What you need to know about playing sports

A vast majority of exchange students play a sport, and are interested in continuing that sport or picking up a new one while they are in the U.S. However, exchange organizations cannot guarantee students that they will be able to play in the U.S. In some states, exchange students cannot play at all. In others, there are restrictions, regulations and “red tape” the student must get through to play. And yet in others there are no restrictions at all. There are also national, State Department rules regarding students who are sporty, their host families and why they are coming to America.

In general, as an exchange student, you should not pin all your hopes and dreams of a successful year on playing a specific sport. You may end up disappointed, or in some cases, students don’t want to come at all once they learn they won’t be able to play soccer or baseball or what have you. The exchange experience and a year in America is worth so much more than playing a sport.

Some states do not permit certain kinds of exchange students to play sports

State Department regulations

In response to some abuses of J1 visas many years ago, the State Department restricts students coming to the U.S. solely to play sports. Basically, if you’ve been recruited to an exchange program for the sole reason of playing a sport at a school, or living with a coach, you cannot do so. A school or coach or sports association may not pay your program fee in order to get you to the U.S. What happened in the past as coaches would bring dozens of students from certain countries — Swedes, Danes, Germans to play soccer/hockey, etc. — house them in unsafe and unsatisfactory situations (such as 10 students sleeping on cots in a basement), and have them as “ringers” on teams.

For this reason also — the ringer one — if you are a high school sport coach, you cannot host a student who plays or has an interest in the same sport as you coach. A  lot of potential host families are upset by this, because, understandably, if it’s someone’s job to work in a sport, that sport is something important to the family that they would want to share with a student. Regardless, this State Department policy is not flexible.

State Sport regulations — who can and cannot play

Many states, including Kentucky and Indiana (to name a few), have extensive regulations on exchange students playing sports in high school. This is because in these states high school sports are taken very seriously, and they want to control abuses of exchange student students and their potential talents. Be aware that in many states, the following types of students cannot play sports:

• those who have “graduated” from secondary school in their home country
• those who are pre-placements (aka: they knew their host family before coming to the U.S.)
• students living with local coordinators
• students who are over the age of 18

In many of these states, the exchange students who want to play must submit paperwork — and a letter from their exchange organization — proving that they were not recruited to play sports, their parents paid their program fee, and they are not in violation of regulations.

You may make the football team, but might not get to play

When you can play… you may not get to play

The most common sport dream of students is to join their high school American football team. This is the quintessential sport (despite the national past time being baseball) that you see featured in feel-good movies & TV shows about high school and college. When the downtrodden team triumphs against adversity, they’re usually a football team.

Many exchange students dream of playing American football. They couple these dreams with those of living in big cities, or by the beach, or in a “sexy” state like California or Florida. The funny thing is, the students who live the “American dream” and have the rare but oft publicized experience of becoming the high school quarterback or making the winning touchdown generally go to small schools in the middle of nowhere. Why? Because it’s only in small towns or schools with not particularly good teams where an exchange student who has never played football before can try out, get on the team and get a starring position.

Big schools or those where the team has won many championships just isn’t going to have space on the field or the team for a stranger who doesn’t know anything about the game. American students also dream of playing high school football, and have practiced for many years to get good enough to “make the team.” So keep your expectations realistic: you may “make the team,” because your school is nice, but you might never play in a game. This is fine, too, you still get to feel like you’re part of the team, make those friends and go on trips to away games, but you’re not going to be the star of the movie. Other students do get lucky and have that experience, but it’s rare.

Your favorite sport may not be played where you are living

The popularity of certain sports, especially those that are season-dependent or more obscure in the U.S., will differ depending on where you are living. So let’s say rugby is a really important part of your life, and you indicate on your application that you MUST continue to play rugby during your exchange year. This is going to severely limit where you can live because, frankly, almost no one in the U.S. knows what rugby is, let alone plays it. The few places that do either a) don’t have schools that will accept students (in urban, wealthy areas) or b) the families in the area simply are not interesting in hosting.

Here are some sports that may be difficult to play in the U.S., or that not all schools will have:

• rugby
• crew/rowing
• handball
• soccer/football
• swimming
• skiing/ski-jumping
• snowboarding
• gymnastics
• netball

And here are sports that many American schools/regions WILL have, that not a lot of exchange students know how to play (but families want):

• baseball
• basketball
• American football
• track & field
• softball
• cheerleading
• volleyball

There need to be some compromises on both ends, obviously, but I can’t tell you how many times a student has REFUSED to go to a host family/continue their exchange because they couldn’t play their obscure/culturally specific sport (usually rugby or crew) or a host family refused to host until they found the “perfect” student who was already an expert baseball or American football player.

I want your sport dreams to come true, I do. I cannot tell you how proud I was anytime a student I worked with became the star player on his/her team, or a “perfect match” was made because of a sport interest. It’s a nice feeling. But I want you to keep open-minded about the whole thing. Your “perfect family” may live in a state where you can’t play sports, or in a school district that doesn’t have your favorite sport. Take a deep breath, calm down and stay positive — you’ll have a great time, regardless. I promise!

A picture is worth a thousand words – no, really, it is!

Nowadays, exchange organizations ask students to share personal photos with their potential host family. Some may have you create a physical album — either photos glued to paper, or you can buy an album and create your own personal scrapbook. Others will ask you to create a photo CD. Yet others will have students upload photos to an online album.

Photos are a double-edged sword. They can make a dull application sing. Or they can take a great application and make a student practically un-placeable. There are both the perfect representation of a student, and the a misrepresentation. And you’re stuck with it — you will have to share a head shot on your actual application, and photos of your family, friends and life at home in an album.

Please, for the love of God, use a photo where you look happy, or at least approachable

Your application photo

Since practically the dawn of time, exchange students have had to include a head shot along with their application – usually a passport or school photo. Until the State Department changed regulations in 2011, this was a key marketing tool for organizations — the first image of you a host family would see, either on the physical application, or on the website. Now your photo will only be shared with “vetted” (screened) host families, but it is still the most important photograph you will include. It’s a first impression, and host families expect that what they see is what they’ll get. Some tips:

• choose your best photo. If your passport photo is not your best photo, don’t use it!
• smile. Or at least look somewhat happy. You can no longer smile in passport photos in most countries, yet another reason NOT to use your passport photo. It’s important you look happy and friendly in your photo, so please find one or have one taken where you are smiling!
• use a recent photo. If you are applying when you are 15 and traveling when you are 16, don’t use a photo from when you were 13 or 14 – you will look NOTHING LIKE IT when you are 16. Use the most recent photo you have at the time of your application.
• use a color photo. Black & white just isn’t as vivid, and it’s nice when your host family can see your hair color, etc.
• use a head shot. I’ve seen students use group shots and family photos. How their organization let that get by, I don’t know, but it’s a bad idea. It should be a photo of YOU, not anyone else.
• no crazy hair/piercings, etc. You are a unique and interesting individual, I know. You like having dreadlocks (and you’re Swedish), a nose piercing and pink hair *totally* expresses your inner whatever. These things won’t find you a host family, however. Little Mid-Western moms will be terrified of your wacky, European form of personal expression. So save your style for a) after you take your photo and b) outside of your exchange year.
• NO HATS. You will become known in the exchange office as “the kid in the hat.” It will take longer to place you. I don’t know why, but it’s true.

Even if you are not photogenic, or you don’t think you are “pretty,” you can still find a photo that flatters you and makes you seem happy and friendly. I cannot tell you how many students choose photos that make them look like criminals, delinquents or just flat out unfriendly. Then you see pictures from their photo album and they look totally different! First impressions count – pick the right photo! Please.

Some students choose to make their host family a fancy album

Your photo album

Please, PLEASE put some effort into this. Some kids haphazardly slap some random pictures on a piece of paper, and don’t even bother to label them. I cannot begin to tell you how important your photo album/collection is — some host families make their final decisions about who to host based on them.

What you should include in your photo collection:

• A picture of your house (outside)
• A picture of your room
• A family photo or two (or three)
• pictures of you *with* your family and/or friends
• pictures of any pets you have, with you in the photos, if possible.
• if you are artsy, you can add illustrations or even photos/examples of your art
• if you play an instrument/perform in chorus/drama and have photos of you performing, include them
• if you play a sport, include pictures of your sport team and/or you “in action,” playing

Writing good captions is important. Describe who/what is in each picture, and add details, ie: “This is my house. I live in a small village in the north of my country, and this house style is typical in my [name of country.] In this picture is snow – it snows from November to March.” Or, “This is my family, from left to right: my mom Anna, dad Gerald, sister Katrin and me in the green shirt. We took this photo last Christmas before opening presents. ”

You know what I’m going to write about next, don’t you? What you shouldn’t include in your photos:

• pictures of your boyfriend/girlfriend (one is ok, but more than that is not)
• pictures of you/friends at a party
• pictures of you/friends with alcohol and/or smoking
• pictures of you/friends wearing very little clothing. You may go to the beach in a bikini, but it doesn’t mean you should include this photo (you never know who is looking)
• only pictures of you and your friends and none of your family
• more than one or two photos of you on an expensive vacation (to Paris, beach house, etc.)
• “My Space” photos — you know, the ones you take by sticking your arm out and angling the camera down. Your photo album ≠ MySpace/Facebook/whatever
• only very old photographs — a bunch of pictures of you when you were 12 won’t tell your family about who you are at 16
• your entire life story. One or two “baby” photos is ok, but 10 pages that tell your entire life journey in photos is not. You can share those photos with your host family later.
• all photos of you, and only you. Just as bad as an album with NO photos of the student themselves is one that is a narcissistic exercise in self-love. Avoid professional modeling shots at all costs. A student who appears to be self-obsessed is a turn-off.

Your photo album and the essay/host family letter are often the two primary things host families and local coordinators use to make decisions about students. Believe it or not, a strong essay, countered by any one of the “red flags” above may mean you are rejected by a host family, or not selected by a local coordinator for their region. When putting together your photos, think about how each photo will reflect on you. Does it make you seem happy? Family-oriented? Down-to-earth? Friendly? On the negative side, could that photo makes you seem bratty, careless, promiscuous (which is TOTALLY LAME, but yes, host families think this way), self-obsessed?

Stay classy, give it some thought, and good luck!

Filling out the application – why you want to be an exchange student, hobbies, parents & other issues

In part one, we discussed three things that might not seem like a big deal but can make a huge impact on how a host family views you: religion, dietary restrictions and allergies. In this post, we will go over all the basic application and questions, why you’re asked them and what phrases/answers you should avoid giving. To jog your memory, here are the main things to remember:

• Write legibly. Some organizations use digital apps, but if it is hand-written, WRITE CLEARLY.
• Be honest. Lying about yourself or your expectations will lead to host family conflict later.
• Fill it out yourself — this is your application, NOT your parents’.
• More is more. One-word answers or short, lifeless sentences are not only boring, but do not tell a family much about you. Write 2-3 varied sentences for each free-answer question. Write 2-3 paragraphs for your essay/letter.
• Take your time. Don’t rush your application — for the next year or so, what you write will determine the course of your future. Scary, but exciting!

Why do you want to be an exchange student?

This question is most important for your admission onto the program, but host families look at it too. The object of this question is to determine whether you want to go for the right reasons — learning American culture, perfecting your English, challenging yourself, etc. — and not because your parents are making you, you want a vacation or you hate home and want to escape it. Even if you lie on this question — which you shouldn’t anyway — the exchange organization will also ask you in person at your interview, to make sure you have the right intentions.

Do you smoke? Are you willing to live with a family who smokes?

Most exchange programs do not permit students to smoke. When you sign up, a part of your student contract is that you will give up smoking, if you smoke. There are several reasons for this, but one of the big ones is that if you’re under 18 in the U.S. you legally cannot buy cigarettes/smoke.

But your organization isn’t stupid, and we all know a lot of Europeans smoke. Answer the question honestly: do you smoke, and if so, how much a day? If you have a serious smoking habit, it is going to be more difficult to find you a home. But it doesn’t mean you won’t find one. If you only smoke a cigarette sometimes, maybe once a month or so in social situations, don’t say you smoke. It’s not worth the hassle.

Are you willing to live with a family who smokes? Be honest, but don’t be restrictive. If you genuinely, 100% could not live with a smoker, even one who never smokes in the house, say so. But if you could live with someone who smokes out in the yard, or only in one room, don’t limit yourself. A lot of students miss out on good families because they won’t accept a family with one member who smokes outside.

What are your hobbies? What hobbies do you want to continue/try in the U.S.?

This area of your application is critical, and misunderstandings on your part OR a poorly written application on the organization’s part can lead to bad host family matching, and problems during your exchange. Many host families choose their students based solely on hobbies, especially sports and music.It is important for you to both honest about your hobbies, but also clear about which ones you are “expert” in and which ones you want to try.

Be very clear about which sports you compete in

Sports

This is the BIG one. Host family’s want students who either share their sport interest (watching, playing casually) or, usually, a student who is COMPETITIVE in the same sport as their child/family. Your organization’s application should allow you to notate how skilled you are in a sport, which one is your favorite, and which ones you want to play in the U.S. Students sometimes are confused about what these terms mean, and what they should put.

• I compete in this sport – means you play on a team *currently,* at a competitive level (against other teams/for trophies), and are serious about the sport
• This sport is my favorite – means maybe you play this sport casually, in sport class at school, or after school with friends (ie: shooting hoops at the basketball court at the park), OR maybe you just really like to watch this sport on television/live. If you mean you like to WATCH, mark that on your application. You wouldn’t mind following this sport in the U.S., but it is not the most important thing to you.
• I want to continue/try this sport – means you either REALLY want to play the same sport in America, or you have NEVER played the sport and want to try to play. If it is the latter — you want to *try*, make sure to put that on your application. There is a BIG DIFFERENCE to an American family of a student who already knows how to play, say American Football or Baseball, and a student who thinks it sounds fun and would like to learn.

Do not say you are “competitive” in a sport that you have not played for many years, and would not want to continue in the U.S. If you played soccer (football) when you were 12, but now you are 15 and have no interest to return to playing, do not say you are a competitive soccer playing. Be very clear about wanting to TRY or simply LIKING a sport. There is a big difference between wanting to TRY or LIKING snowboarding and being a competitive snowboarder. Same goes for hockey, tennis, swimming, etc.

If you will DIE and BE MISERABLE if you can’t continue your favorite sport in the U.S., yes you should indicate this, but if you play an obscure sport or one that is not popular/common in the U.S., know that this will limit your placement options.

If you play American Football or Baseball in your home country, WRITE IT and INCLUDE PICTURES in your photo album. Competitive knowledge of these two sports will find you a family FAST. (but only put them if it’s true!) If you are competitive in soccer or hockey, also definitely say this — there are families in certain parts of the country who really want these sports!

Ladies: if you want to TRY cheerleading, it is ok to put that. Say if you’ve danced before. If you have done cheerleading in your home country, say so, and include pictures! Families definitely look for this.

Please note, I will be doing an entire post just on playing sports during your exchange year.

If you play a brass or string instrument, say so!

Music/playing an instrument

Another very big thing host families look for is students who play the same musical instrument as their children/the host parents. It is incredibly important that you be honest and clear about your musical talents and interests.

The application should ask you if you play any instruments, and how well you play them. Your options usually are:

• I play often/well – put this if you play your instrument at least once a week, in a band, orchestra or through practic
• I play sometimes – put this if you kind of know piano/guitar/whatever but don’t play too often
• I would like to learn – put this if you really want to learn a completely new instrument/hobby in the U.S.

The application may also have you put how many times a week/month/year you play. BE HONEST. DO NOT say you play an instrument such as clarinet, flute, saxophone, tuba, trombone, oboe, violin, viola, cello, etc. unless you play often/well. If you played when you were ten but now you’re fifteen… you aren’t going to play those instruments during your exchange year, and to put them will be misleading to your host family.

If the application asks if you are in band/orchestra and you say you participate, specify which instrument you play, and whether or not you want to join band/orchestra in the U.S. Some host families choose their students based on their playing an instrument, and wanting to be in the band.

General Hobbies

Your application will have many other options for hobbies & interests, including:

• reading
• cooking
• computer
• listening to music
• playing games (video or board)
• hiking
• camping
• fishing
• hunting
• singing
• dancing
• instruments you play/like/want to play
• sports you play/like/want to play
• volunteering/working with children
• volunteering/working with the elderly
• community service
• and more

Do you know what the most boring hobbies responses ever are? A student who: listens to music, plays on the computer and likes, say, one sport that they don’t even *play*. And that’s it. This happens all the time, and you know what it says to your host family? I like to sit in my room with my iPod, spend hours on the Internet, and I’m very anti-social. EVERYONE listens to music. EVERYONE uses computers. Also, SHOPPING IS NOT A HOBBY. If the only thing you’re interested in shopping, you come across as shallow and spoiled. The average “home grown” family will be afraid to host you. You must have other hobbies, I’m sure — don’t be lazy when filling out this section. Take it seriously and give it thought.

Ok, so let’s say you don’t like any sports or music and you think you’re “boring.” You need to be honest, because if you’re a home-body nerd-type, you shouldn’t tick off wanting to learn a bunch of sports just to look attractive to a host family. The application should have a line for “other” where you can fill in your own special hobbies. So you like to read, cook, watch TV… and scrapbook. That last one is a great one to put! It’s very specific, and may help connect you with the right host family. Maybe you like to volunteer at the animal shelter. Or design websites. Get specific, and be honest. You never know what might make you “the one” for a host family! Also: if you are a Scout in your country, put that — a lot of families look for Scouts (girls and boys!).

You are lovely, just the way you are... just don't be completely honest about it

How much time do you spend on the Internet, and what do you use it for?

This is a trick question. The answer for most of you, nowadays, is 24/7.  Ok, maybe more like 10-12 hours a day. Between school, your phone and surfing at home, it’s pretty accurate for the modern person under the age of 30. At school alone, some students are sitting in front of computer screens in every or most classes. You probably spend a lot of time on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Skype, AIM, etc. etc.

The problem is, the people reading your application are your parent’s age. Or your grandparents’ age. And they think the computer/Internet is an ALIEN CREATURE that is BAD FOR CHILDREN and should be used sparingly, if at all. A lot of American host families — and coordinators — are totally behind on the times, and do not like students who use the computer too much. They think they are anti-social and not well-behaved.

You should be honest. Really, you should. But here’s how you need to answer this question: 1-3 hours a day (whatever is closest for you in reality). I use it for homework, research and talking with my friends and family. You can put “Facebook” if you want, but don’t put any other specific sites you use, because your host family will probably have clue what they are, or they will be a turn-off.

Be very, very careful with this question. That is all.

Describe something about which you are proud

What kind of crazy, stupid question is this?, you might ask. This is a very, VERY American question that will, aptly, seem foreign to many an exchange student. Here in the U.S., we’re very proud. Proud of our country, proud of ourselves, proud of other people. Pride is often seen as a defining characteristic of people, and their lives.

But this concept means nothing to you. I know that in some countries, being proud, especially of your country, is just not allowed.

Yet, this question is very important to your host family. They want to see what is important to you, and they want to read something they, too, can identify with.

Here is how you should answer this question: think of some accomplishment you have had in the last two to three years. It could be achieving good grades, winning a competition (sport, music, science, academic), doing something nice for your family or even being brave enough to apply to be an exchange student. Then put that you are proud of that. You’re done!

Everyone likes Christmas. Be more creative.

What is your favorite family tradition?

You know how most students answer this? Christmas. You know what this tells your family? You like getting presents once a year. BORING. If Christmas is truly your favorite family tradition, fine, but at least provide some detail. Too many students write a one word response to this question, instead of explaining — maybe it’s the family dinner, or singing carols, or Christmas markets, or attending a church service that you enjoy. Otherwise, people just assume, like every other teenager on the planet, that you like to receive gifts.

More interesting answers to consider – family game night. Going to sport games. Picnics. Visiting the family garden plot in summer. Picking strawberries/mushrooms/etc. Even nightly or weekly family dinner is a good reply. Provide detail. Your potential host family wants to get an idea of what your natural family unit is like, and whether you will fit into their family.

What do you think you will miss most while you are away?

I’ll tell you the number one way NOT to answer this question: “My boyfriend/girlfriend.” BAD IDEA.

So you have a boyfriend/girlfriend at home, and they really are the person you will miss most. Do you know what this says to your host family? T-R-O-U-B-L-E. Also spelled D-R-A-M-A. An exchange student who comes to the U.S. pining for a significant other is a total drag. They experience homesickness worse, are more likely to communicate with home too often, less likely to bond with their host family and most likely to return home early, early on in the program.

You, glorious teenage creatures that you are, are  enough of a handful when you come over single. But with the emotional baggage of long-distance teen romance? Most host families don’t want to touch that with a ten foot pole. It also points out to many a conservative, prude American family that — OMG! — you may be sexual active. They’d rather stay completely ignorant of that, trust me.

You can say your friends, you can say your family, you can say the food. But don’t say you’ll miss your boyfriend/girlfriend. To be brutally honest, it’s statistically likely by the time you actually leave for your exchange — 6 months to one year AFTER you fill out your application — that you will have broken up. So why brand yourself student application kryptonite for no reason?

Calling home isn't always the best idea when you're homesick

How do you think you will handle being homesick?

Honest but not the best answer: “call home.” This isn’t a *bad* answer, but it’s not the best one. Your host family wants to see that you are mature, and ready to rely on them for support. Homesick students who contact home too much (phone, video chat or email) actually get more homesick, and can cause host family problems.

You also don’t want to be a stoic and pretend you aren’t going to miss home at all. Or, if you genuinely don’t think you will miss home at all (because you don’t like home/your parents)… well, your host family may think you an an unfeeling sociopath, so I’d avoid that answer.

Middle of the road is best. If/when you get homesick, you will talk to your host family, do activities to take your mind off it, maybe send an email home, cook food from home for your host family, etc. etc. These are nice, sound answers. And also just plain good advice…

What are your responsibilities at home? Do you have any chores?

This section is a critical one that a lot of coordinators and host families don’t pay enough attention to. What, if any, rules & guidelines your parents have for you will effect how successfully you integrate into a typical American household. A huge part of the American family dynamic, and life as a teenager in general, is having chores — daily or weekly responsibilities that you must complete in order to remain in good standing with your parents.

Obviously, be honest here. If your family has a maid (yes, it happens), say you don’t have to do any chores at home. If your one job is to be home by 11 p.m. (23:00)  on week days and respect your parents, say that. Hopefully, the host family who chooses you actually reads this section and then works with you to acclimate you to the responsibilities they expect of you during your year.

Describe your family/a typical day in your family

This question is super, super important. I can’t tell you what you should & shouldn’t write — what is important to you about your family that you want to share, only you know. All I can beg of you is that you don’t blow off this section, and do your best not to write in staccato, repetitive sentences. Be creative! Write complex sentences! The placement rep at your organization will look at it, so will the local coordinator and finally so will the host family. They’ll look at your family structure, the way you write about your parents, and the way you talk about your lifestyle to determine what kind of family you’ll fit best with.

The essay/letter to your host family

This is the MOST IMPORTANT part of your application. I cannot stress that enough. The essay will prompt you to write a letter to your host family, introducing yourself, where you’re from, and what you’re looking forward to doing with them. Most organizations will have you write this essay at the group interview, timed and without help (no dictionaries/Internet). Understandably, your English level will vary based on your comfort level, but try your best to write a thorough, detailed and honest letter.

This is not only where you get to show off your English skills — and yes, host families do pay attention to how well you write in English — but you get to tell your host family about yourself, with extra details you couldn’t fit in in other places. Most students talk about the American Dream here, and High School Spirit. This is fine, but it is also boring — don’t focus your entire letter on it.

Remember that your essay is your personal letter to your host family -- just like one you'd send them in the mail!

Your host family letter is where you make yourself stand out, and really display your special personality. Good things to write about:

• any special career aspirations (doctor, scientist, author, translator, pilot, police officer, teacher etc.)
• special reasons to be an exchange student — parent was one, or a sibling was. If a family member has been an exchange student, say where they lived during their year.
• if you are traveling as a scholarship recipient
• special family situations & multiculturalism — a parent recently passed away, your mom is Japanese and your dad is German, you care for your elderly grandmother, etc.
• extreme faith. If you love Jesus, definitely talk about it. But only if this is HONEST and TRUE.
• special hobbies, activities & accomplishments — winning a European dance tournament, being a Scout leader, building robots, sewing all your own clothes/fashion design, running the school newspaper, being elected your class representative, etc.
• Particular books, TV shows & films that you like. You never know what a host family may connect to. You may have a shared love of Harry Potter, Twilight, Star Trek, Supernatural, Grey’s Anatomy or Will Smith movies. If it’s important to you, share it. (yes, I HAVE found students homes because they liked Twilight!) Also, if you play Dungeons & Dragons, please say so XD

You may not be able to write about anything special. In which case, you should just be genuine, honest and friendly with the things you write. Think about the  most important things in your life — for some it is family, or a relationship with a particular family member, for others it is their hobby/sport/passion, and for others it is school, a professional ambition (wanting to be a lawyer, doctor, scientist, etc.) or their friends. Talk about those things, and why you value them. Many host families will choose you because of these things — they are also close to their grandmother, they also lost a parent, they are a teacher (and you want to be one), etc.

Next, think about what you want to get out of your host family experience. Is it a second sister/mother/brother/father for life? Is it the “American experience,” and if so, what activities? Is it the high school experience? Stay positive, and mention simple things you hope to do with your “ideal” family — go camping, go to an amusement park, have an American BBQ, attend a football game, etc. It’s the little details that host families will latch onto.

Many letters ask you to say what the first thing you’ll do when you get to your host family. I think this is a very dumb question, because most students take it literally, and answer that they will go to sleep because they will be tired from the flight! Unless your answer is “to give my host family a big hug and get to know them,” I wouldn’t address that part of the question. It wastes time and space.

Honestly, just make your letter personal, and include things that you don’t talk about in other parts of your application. For some host families, the letter is the first thing they read BEFORE they see your other details. Remember that!

There’s also plenty you SHOULDN’T say. What are they?

• Don’t talk about boyfriends/girlfriends.
• Don’t talk about partying/going to discos/clubs – even if it is something you do at home.
• Don’t focus too much on looking forward to high school, friends & sports — at least one paragraph should be dedicated to what you’re hoping for with your host family.
• Don’t focus too much on a “passive” hobby or a “shallow” hobby — computers, listening to music, chatting on the Internet with friends, shopping, etc. But if you’re writing the Next Great Novel or making a documentary film? Those are “passive” hobbies that are special!
• Be careful about the music you mention, if any. While you are entitled to love gangster rap and heavy metal, be aware that these genres & artists are huge red flags for a lot of host families.
• Don’t talk about how important your friends are to you, and barely mention your family — your host family will think you are too independent, and are a potential party-ier.
• DO NOT mention a specific U.S. city you hope to live in (ie: New York City), or say you hope to live in Florida or California. HUGE turn off for families who live anywhere else (ie: most families).
• Don’t say you’d like to live by the beach or learn surfing. You’re basically saying you want to live in California or Florida, but indirectly. Again, this is a huge turn-off and will make you difficult to place.

What the student application DOESN’T ask that you may be wondering about: sexual orientation

Probably the only key identifier exchange student applications don’t inquire about is sexual orientation. This is because it is a very private issue, and it is not appropriate to ask this of minors. But I will be honest: when a student is gay and tells the exchange agency that, it can help to find them the right home. Very rarely does a student disclose this to the home office, and when/if they do, it is relayed to the side finding a host family. The information is kept private from your parents, so if you know you are gay and want your exchange organization to know, tell them.

The honest truth: some families in the United States are bigoted, and will not accept a gay student. There are also parts of the country that an agency will not knowingly place a gay student in, to protect them and help them have a better exchange year. If you are 100% sure of your sexual orientation and worry it may prevent you from finding the right host family, talk to your organization. The people in your destination country — usually young, liberal people who can relate to YOU more than they can to host families — will do their best to pair you with a coordinator you can talk to (one who isn’t too conservative) and a host family who cares. You may even be matched with a same-sex couple.

Filling out the application – what every exchange student needs to know (religion, dietary restrictions & allergies)

So you’ve decided that your dream is to be an exchange student. Congratulations! You are taking the first step towards the experience that will change your life. Much of the behind-the-scenes advice I will give you for filling out your application is to help you stand out — in the right ways — to a U.S. host family. However, that doesn’t mean some tips won’t be relevant for other destinations.

Your application not only gives the exchange organization an idea of whether or not they want to accept you on the program, but is also one of only two things families will use to decide whether they want to host you. Your application will go through a lot of hands — in-country sales reps, host family placement reps in the U.S., regional field managers, local coordinators and multiple host families. Read below for the Do’s and Don’ts for filling out your application, and make it a stellar and honest representation of who you are.

Basic tips:

• Write legibly. Some organizations use digital apps, but if it is hand-written, WRITE CLEARLY.
• Be honest. Lying about yourself or your expectations will lead to host family conflict later.
• Fill it out yourself — this is your application, NOT your parents’.
• More is more. One-word answers or short, lifeless sentences are not only boring, but do not tell a family much about you. Write 2-3 varied sentences for each free-answer question. Write 2-3 paragraphs for your essay/letter.
• Take your time. Don’t rush your application — for the next year or so, what you write will determine the course of your future. Scary, but exciting!

Most exchange student applications are going to ask you the same, or similar things. Some of them may not make sense within your cultural context, or may be confusing. I will do my best to explain why these questions exist and how you should answer them.You may hear lots of advice from former exchange students, or receive application coaching from the exchange agency sales office itself.  They mean well, and in some cases are correct, but sometimes their advice goes against the “be honest” tip – and to your detriment.

Church is an important part of many American families' lives

Religion, religious frequency & willingness to attend services with your host family

This early application question is a tricky one. You should be honest, but extreme honesty can also keep you from finding a host family. To wit: the United States is a very religious country. A vast majority of host families are religious — usually Christian. They attend church weekly, some more. Unlike them, most of you (exchange students) are not religious at all. Especially in Europe, most people are secular. Even if you identify with a religion — Protestant, Catholic — you likely don’t go to church.

My advice? Be honest about religious affiliation and frequency — if you attend services on Easter and Christmas, say. If you go more than twice a year, say “occasionally.” Whenever possible, don’t say you are Agnostic or Athiest. These are “cold” terms that a lot of host families will not understand. If you are Agnostic — raised under a certain religion but you NEVER go to church, say the religion your family is (Protestant, Lutheran, etc.) but say you NEVER go to church. If you’re an Athiest? You shouldn’t lie, but be aware it will be incredibly difficult for your organization to find you a home.

Regardless of what you are, the kicker is usually willingness to attend services with your host family. I’m guessing most of you don’t want to go to church. I understand — I didn’t want to go to church when I was 16, either (and I didn’t — there are secular Americans, but they don’t host as often). But the number one ticket to going to the bottom of the student application pile? Saying “No,” you won’t attend services with your family. Even if it is honest to you, do you know how it reads? That you are closed-minded and judgmental of religion (or those other than your own). If you are a devout Catholic and can’t possibly imagine going to something other than a Catholic church… think long and hard about that, because it comes off as intolerant.

The magic answer for this question: Occasionally or Yes. How can you put this answer and still be honest? Here’s the thing: it’s a cultural exchange. You  need to be open-minded, and at least willing to try things. Put occasionally and try church — in a lot of small American communities, going to church is the only way to meet people, and socialize. There are usually youth groups you can join, so you don’t have to sit through the services every week.

If you can't bear to eat meat, make sure you provide your potential host family with details!

Dietary Restrictions

Many applications will ask you if you have any dietary restrictions. Please, for the love of God, DO NOT BE COMPLETELY HONEST HERE. It sounds counter-intuitive, but often students take the idea of saying everything about themselves a bit too far. Where it can really count against you is with dietary restrictions and allergies.

So you’re a picky eater and you don’t really like beef or mushrooms or yogurt or what-have-you. This is not a dietary restriction. You’re picky, BIG DIFFERENCE. Don’t put more information than you need to — you can tell your host family all about your little preferences once you arrive. A family sees a laundry list of “dietary restrictions” on an application and they will run in the opposite direction, because they think you are difficult. You should only put that you don’t eat beef or pork if it’s a dietary restriction based on a religious restriction. In any other case, it’s Too Much Information.

If you are a vegetarian… ok, this is tricky. So you can’t bear to eat the meat of cute little animals. I’m with you. But your average American host family? Thinks you are an alien from Planet Crazy. Vegetarianism is up there with “pet allergies” and “athiesm” for the top things that will have you rejected by host family without reading your application. Here’s the vegetarian “Questions to Ask Yourself” check-list:

1. How long have you been a vegetarian?
2. Why are you a vegetarian?
3. Is your natural family all vegetarian, or are you the only one?
4. Can you cook your own food?
5. Do you need special food, like tofu?
6. Are you *really* a vegetarian?

1) If you’ve only been a vegetarian for a few months, because it’s fashionable, or you want to piss of your parents, or you really love cuddly animals, then look to number 6) and think long and hard about listing yourself as a vegetarian on your application. Are you going to be a vegetarian in one year? If it means not finding a host family for months and months and months, is it worth it to you to be a vegetarian? I can’t tell you how many students arrive in the U.S.and are no longer vegetarians, or only last one week before falling in love with juicy American steaks and hamburgers.Save us all the trouble and think long and hard about calling yourself a vegetarian if it’s going to be a passing phase.

So you’re really serious about being a vegetarian. I whole-heartedly support you! Here are the things you NEED to mention on your application. You can’t just say you’re a vegetarian and move on. Host families will jump to all sorts of conclusions that will work against you.

2) Tell your host family why you decided to become a vegetarian. Usually the answer is you just can’t bear to harm animals. It’s fine to say this, but keep it from being judgmental. 3) If you are the sole vegetarian among your family who eat meat with abandonment, say this — your potential host family will be able to relate to your natural family, and it will be easier for them to picture themselves hosting you. 4) Volunteer to a) eat the sides to any meal your family prepares and b) cook vegetarian food for your family. These make you seem open-minded, grateful and helpful. You don’t want to seem difficult.

5) If you are a serious vegetarian, then you know that you can’t just eat vegetable sides and stay nutritionally balanced and healthy. If you regularly prepare tofu and other vegetarian food substitutes, in a lot of parts  of the country, especially small towns, you won’t be able to find the food that you need. Honestly, if you are a serious vegetarian and need special food, where you can be placed is going to be restrictive. It’s difficult but not impossible to place students near cities, or places with specialty stores (your friends? Whole Foods and Trader Joes). Say on your application that you are happy and willing to buy your own special food (like tofu, etc.).

Now that we’ve got vegetarianism out of the way, let’s get to the other dietary restriction you SHOULD NOT MENTION. If you are mildly lactose intolerant, do not say so. If you are seriously lactose intolerant? Yes, say so. But if you can selectively avoid dairy or tack lactaid pills? Don’t put it. It’s something you can deal with with your family later on in the process.

If you are gluten intolerant or diabetic, of course you need to say so. Honestly: these conditions are hard to place, BUT it is your exchange organization’s job to find you a safe, caring family who can take care of you, if you have one of these conditions.

The short end of it: a lot of host families simply don’t understand your food restrictions. They see anything filled out and they see a red flag – difficult student! Abnormal student! If it’s minor, don’t put it. If it’s major, explain it, and how you/your host family can easily work around it.

Over 60% of Americans own pets

Allergies

The same rules that apply for dietary restrictions stand for allergies: unless it is life-threatening and on your medical certificate DO NOT MENTION IT. I can’t tell you how many times I saw a student rejected over and over again for an “allergy” it turned out didn’t even exist, or was minor! Basic tips:

• you are NOT allergic to animals just because your mom, sister, whatever is allergic. Get an allergy test if you think are allergic.
• unless you are clinically diagnosed and it is on your medical certificate, YOU ARE NOT ALLERGIC TO COLD. (this is a real condition, but most students I saw who put it were lying to be placed in a warm region, or were hypochondriacs)
• if you are “allergic to dust” but this is controlled by a) not being around dust or b) taking simple medication, DON’T PUT IT. Most normal human beings sneeze around dust. You do too? Not an allergy.
• Hayfever. Are you legitimately allergic to pollen? Lovely. If so, put it on your application and it will be on your medical certificate, too. If you’re not? DON’T SAY YOU HAVE HAYFEVER.
• A runny, sniffly nose is NOT AN ALLERGY. It’s a natural reaction to having a stuffy nose. (in Asian cultures, this is called Rhinitis) So you have a stuff nose a lot? Take some decongestants. They are readily available in the U.S. Listing this as an allergy, however, makes most Americans think you have some horrible, communicable disease… not a stuffy nose.
• If you don’t like pets – as a preference – DO NOT MAKE UP A PET ALLERGY. You will become a student application pariah, and instead of finding a pet free home based on your preference, you may not find a home at all, or take a pet-free home away from a student with a legitimate, deadly allergy. Shame on you.

Pet Allergies

This is the big one. Here’s something that many exchange students do not realize when they apply: most U.S. families have animals. Living in a host family with an animal is as much a part of the “American experience” as going to high school. Americans who don’t have animals? Usually live in small apartments in big cities, and they aren’t host families (no room, no interest and no schools).

I noticed over the years that certain countries have a ridiculously high incidence of children with pet allergies. This is an American exchange organization’s worst nightmare — students with pet allergies are the most difficult to find homes for. We  may find a pet-free home… but their interests don’t match the student. We may find a perfect match… but they have a dog.

The frustration: some of these students are a) lying (because they don’t *like* pets), b) are untested and basing their allergy on their mom, dad, brother, sister, etc. being allergic, c) basing their diagnosis on incredibly unscientific personal observation — “I went over to my friend Bobby’s house once and picked up his cat and it made me sneeze and itch.” or d) the student’s allergies are, in fact, minor and could be controlled with simple allergy medication… but they don’t clarify the severity of their allergy. Or they are allergic to dogs but not cats, etc. etc.

If you put that you are allergic to animals, your exchange organization  is going to assume you have a deadly allergy and if you are placed in a home with animals, your safety and life will be at risk. If this is not the case? You are not only wasting the organization’s time, but you risk not finding a host family for many months, or not finding a family at all. Your perfect host family may have come and gone — because they thought you were deathly allergic to animals.

Please, clarify the extent of your animal allergy. If you’re not sure, get an allergy test done. If it turns out your not allergic? Congratulations! You can now be in the large pool of students who can be looked at by all host families. If you are allergic but it can be controlled with medication? Say so — a LOT of Americans have mild animal allergies, but take medication so they can still have a pet (we are a pet-loving society!). Fun fact: I am not allergic to animals, but if I pick up a cat and get its fur in my face? I sneeze and itch, too. Anecdotal evidence doesn’t mean you have an allergy!

**~**

Stay tuned for more application tips in my next post! Next up: why you want to be an exchange student, hobbies, your parents and things you should never say.

So you want to be a host family? Everything you need to know about the big decision

Hosting can be an enriching, life-changing experience, but not one that families should consider lightly. Inviting a relative stranger into your home for an entire year takes a huge leap of faith. It can be exhilarating,  emotional, stressful and perplexing… sometimes all at once. Take all the following into consideration before making the big decision. Hopefully hosting will be right for you and your family!

Are you prepared to:

• open your home and family to a (relative) stranger for a year?
• take in a student FOR FREE?
• feed an extra mouth at the breakfast/dinner table?
• treat your exchange student like a member of the family?
• troubleshoot potential cultural differences, homesickness, clashes between resident children & the student?
• attend two mandatory orientations — one before the student arrives, one right before they go home?
• transport your student to/from local activities (or arrange transportation for them)?
• support, emotionally, a young person who is living far away from home for a long time?
• be open-minded about your student’s lifestyle, instead of simply expecting them to conform to yours? (cultural exchange is a two-way street)

What kind of time commitment are you looking for?

So you think you can handle what it takes to be a good host family? Wonderful! The next essential question: how long do you want to host? There are four typical program lengths – one month & three months* (short-stay) and six months or a year** (long-stay).

Many families balk at the idea of a whole year. Better sign up for a short-stay program, or a semester, they think. Here’s my question for you: what do you want to get out of hosting? Do you want to dip your toes in culture and have an international guest in your home? OR do you want a full immersion experience, and to gain an international family member, for life?

If your answer is the latter, take a leap of faith and go for the year-long stay. Rest assured: it’s not *actually* a year. “Year-long” exchange students actually stay for the duration of a typical school year. So on the short end, they’ll be with your family 9-10 months. Some students and families want to prolong the experience, and the student may end up staying closer to 11 months.

But perhaps the shorter periods are for you. That’s fine! With short-stay, especially one month or less, be prepared to act more like a welcome wagon — your student ‘s exchange is likely more akin to a vacation, and you will be “showing them the sights.” Plus, if they are with a group, you will need to transport them to and from activities. A three month student will have more time to get around, so there will be a little less of that.

Semester students are exactly like year long students, in that you should incorporate them into your family, and not treat them like a guest. Beware: you may find they are set to go home right when you were starting to think you can’t live without them :). In some cases semester students can change their mind and stay for the whole year. Be prepared to have that on the table.

*Rotary offers three month hosting periods. It is “short-stay” for the family, but is a long-stay program for the student. **Long-stay students don’t actually stay for one calendar year. They are with you for 9-10 months; approximately one full school year.

Understand that you don’t get paid

Host families in the United States DO NOT GET PAID. Some short stay programs and programs with students on F1 visas can pay their host families, but students traveling on traditional, J1 visa programs cannot legally compensate host families.

Why would I host a student and not get paid, you might ask? If you’re honestly asking that question, and cannot think of one reason why you’d host otherwise, you probably are not a good candidate for hosting. Do host families give a lot of themselves to students, for free? Yes. But they get so much back — cultural understanding, personal satisfaction, feeling good about doing a good thing, and often a lifelong friend, sister/brother, daughter/son. And that is priceless.

Why can’t host families be paid? Because they used to, and in some countries they still are… and when host families are paid, it increases the instances in which unscrupulous people take in students for the wrong reasons. Think about it — if the only reason some people want to host is for money, it’s only a short step to neglecting, abusing and mistreating that student because the family only sees them as  a meal ticket. Paying host families = bad.

Most organizations now have online applications

The application and vetting process

It has become increasingly important for organizations to properly screen and vet host families before allowing minor children into their homes. It used to be you could agree to host a student and have them in your home a few days later. Not anymore. Host families must go through a series of steps to be clear to host. They must:

1. fill out an application (typically 3-6 pages) describing their family, hobbies and reasons for hosting
2. provide three references – one professional, two personal
3. fill out and pass a background check (all household members over 18)
4. submit to an in-home interview, where all family members must be present
5. submit or allow to be taken photographs of your home (living room, kitchen, student bedroom, student bathroom, outside of the house)
6. have a local high school that agrees, in writing, to enroll your student
7. have a local coordinator within 120 miles
8. have room to host an exchange student
9. show financial ability to host an exchange student

The most time-consuming and arduous tasks host families typically take issue with is the long application, background checks, coordinating the interview and allowing their home to be photographed. Let me put any potential fears to rest regarding your personal and confidential information: only qualified employees of the exchange organization will see your background check information, your references and the photos of your home. Usually the person who see this information is high up, and they will not share it with the local field staff or the students. The home photos are for additional quality control after some incidents with home quality occurred in 2009.

Don’t be overwhelmed by the home interview, financial questions or the photos. You don’t have to be rich to host, but coordinators & organizations are looking for red flags that would disqualify some families. They are:

• any felony convictions
• no DUIs within the last five years
• if a family lives in Section 8 housing, is on food stamps or welfare
• if a home is too cluttered and dirty for a student to safely live there
• if a family is hosting for the wrong reason (such as wanting a maid, babysitter, to convert them to Christianity, etc.)
• that the family is in good standing in the community — no concerns from the school, past allegations of abuse
• that the neighborhood & school district in which the family lives is safe for an exchange student

A majority of host families pass the screening process, though occasionally there are hurt feelings and frustrations because a family is disqualified for a reason they disagree with (the DUI rule is a big one). Some organizations are stricter than others, and the best organizations are the strictest (ie: act solely in the interest of the safety of their student, and go above and beyond State Department regulations).

Please note — local coordinators go through an identical screening process.

Finding the right student

When you sign up to host, you’re not signing your life away — they don’t just drop some stranger off on your door step in the middle of the night. Picking the right student for your family is incredibly important. Not all students and families are compatible, and a mismatch can lead to problems that wouldn’t otherwise happen with the right match.

There are people at the exchange organization whose job it is to help you find the right student — on the local level, it’s often the local coordinator, and at the organizations, the title varies, but generally your first contact at the agency will be the person who knows student applications like the back of their hand. Here are some of the things you should consider when looking for a student:

• gender (male or female)
• age (younger vs. older)
• nationality
• English level
• hobbies
• natural family style
• religion/willingness to attend church
• dietary restrictions
• allergies
• general lifestyle

Create a welcome sign for the airport -- it makes for a great first photo op!

Some of these are more obvious than others – girl vs. boy, Japanese vs. Dutch, though even within these parameters, there are nuances. Proffi tip: older students (17, 18) from Asian cultures (Thailand, China, Japan) are often better fits for retired couples, older single hosts or families looking for a more laid back student. Students from these cultures typically don’t join a host of extracurriculars and expect their host family to transport them everywhere. They are family-oriented and will enjoy spending time at home. So as a family you may have your heart set on an active Swedish girl, but she may not be the right fit for your lifestyle. That said, there are exceptions to every rule, and things should be considered on a student-to-student basis.

What do I mean by “natural family style”? Read the student’s application closely. You can usually tell those students who have responsibilities at home on par with that which you expect in your own home – do they mention having to do chores? Having to be home by acertain time? How do they describe their relationship with their parents? If you know you are strict, don’t go for a student who makes it clear they are best friends with their parents and have no rules! Disaster waiting to happen.

Proffi tip: DO NOT CONTACT YOUR EXCHANGE STUDENT UNTIL YOUR REP GIVES YOU THE GO-AHEAD. Your organization should not provide you with student contact information until you are fully screened and vetted, and you’ve chosen the student, but things happen (and your teenagers are crafty with Facebook). It is very important you don’t contact your student until your organization tells you you may. This is for a variety of reasons, the first and foremost being: you do not get to “shop” for an exchange student like you would a pair of pants. You don’t get to “try them on” and then decide they don’t fit you. Exchange students are human beings, and are still children, really. Nothing stings more than the feeling of rejection of a host family who contacted you, asked you a bunch of questions, and then changed their mind.

I will go into more detail about looking at student applications in a separate series of posts — there’s a lot of nuance, and places where you, the American host family, will need to be open-minded and not “judge a book by it’s cover.” More on that later. But in general, consider these big factors listed above.

On English language level

All exchange programs have a minimum English language requirement that students must meet to participate. How organizations determine language level differs, but the general standard is an “oral skill” scale and a SLEP examination — Secondary Level English Proficiency. You should ask your exchange organization how they measure oral competency — what is the minimum on the scale, and what is the max. Most organizations only administer SLEP tests to students from countries that are known to have lower proficiency in English – countries in Asia, Latin America, parts of Europe (Italy, Spain, Switzerland).The minimum SLEP score to participate is typically 40. The highest a student can score is 65.

Generally, students from Western Europe have the highest proficiency in English, and students from Asia the lowest. Bear in mind how much work you are willing to put into helping your student learn English. Families interested in Asian students should be prepared for a rougher first few months, but also extreme satisfaction from their student becoming fluent.

Before the student arrives

At this point, you’re a fully screened family, you’ve been communicating with your student, and you’re really excited for the big arrival day. There’s one mandatory step that must be taken anywhere from one month, to a few days before your student’s arrival — the host family orientation. The style of this orientation, and its name, will differ according to exchange organization, but the important thing: it is required by the State Department. You may be asked to attend an event orientation, a gathering of all the host families in the area, at a set date and time, or your local coordinator may schedule a time to come to your home and go through the HF orientation check-list. If this doesn’t happen prior to your student arriving, your exchange organization is NOT doing their job. Important distinction: your host family interview and your orientation are NOT THE SAME THING. If your organization tells you they are, they are cutting corners and that is not acceptable.

Throw a BBQ welcome party for your student, and invite all the neighbors!

Here are some other things you may want to prepare before your student arrives:

• prepare their room with nice details — put up a poster of their favorite show, film or band; print out any photos they’ve sent you and frame them; paint the room/get bedding in their favorite color
• if they are arriving after your school’s pre-registration/open house day, collect the materials from those events that they may need, including school supply lists.
• plan a welcome party and invite family, neighbors and teens from the community — most student arrive in the summer, so a BBQ or pool party are great ideas
• make a fun airport sign to welcome them with!
• buy a dictionary that is their language & English (i.e.: a German to English, Spanish to English, etc.) that’s ready when they arrive
• create a welcome basket/gift with some of the essentials they’ll need — phrase book, essential toiletries (deodorant, soap, shampoo, conditioner, sunscreen if you’re in the South, etc.), perhaps regional specialties.
• email/communicate with them before they arrive to coordinate things like – will they bring their own cell phone, or do you want to add them to your family plan? (I have thoughts on this) Are they bringing a laptop?
• check with your school to see if they will assign your student an “ambassador” who can show them around school, help them find their classes, introduce them to people, etc.

Are there any experienced host families reading this who have other great ideas? Please share them in the comments!

The first few weeks your student is in your family are critical, a topic which I will discuss at length in a later post.

Living the American Dream, part three – high school, friends & dating

[part one: location & driving | part two: host families]

Do you think American high school is like this?:

Yeahhh. It’s really not. I’m not trying to kill your American dream, because high school will be, in fact, a huge part of your year abroad. But real high school is nothing like Disney.

You may find your high school experience to be amazing. You may find it to be a huge letdown. My aim is to provide you with as much information as possible, hopefully so you will get off on the right foot as your school, and set you up for a good year!

You will get a quintessentially American locker assigned to you

School size, structure & style

High schools vary in size, from a small town school with 100-200 students, to a mega high school with 2,000 students or more.  Really small high schools are most commonly found in rural areas and small towns, but just as often you’ll find mega-schools in these areas — “feeder” schools where students from all the rural communities take the bus to one, large school. There are advantages and disadvantages to small and large schools. Small schools may not have as many sports teams and activities, but the size pretty much guarantees that you, the exchange student, will stand out, everyone will know your name, and you might even become the most popular kid in school! I’ve heard of exchange students in small schools becoming Class President, Homecoming King and star of the football team. Large schools may have more resources, but it’s easier to get lost in the crowd — you won’t stick out as much, and with larger class sizes, you may get less attention from your teachers.

All American high schools are comprised of grades 9-12, with students roughly ages 14 to 18. The 9th grade is called “Freshman,” the 10th grade “Sophomore,” the 11th grade “Junior” and the 12th and final year “Senior.”

Most schools run on a semester system, and there are two semesters per school year. School begins in August or September and runs until May or June. Each semester, students choose six (sometimes up to eight) classes to take. They attend these classes every day, all semester, in the same order and with the same teachers and students, as opposed to the European model of taking 10-14 classes a term with a varied schedule. There are usually six “periods” in a day, plus lunch. Each class is one period. Your day will typically start with “home room,” where all students report for attendance and to listen to morning announcements, then you will go to your set schedule of classes on your own. There are 5 to 10 minutes between each class in which to go to your locker (to change books), go to the bathroom and get to your next class. Your locker and your class may be too far away from each other for you to go get books, so you’ll have to plan ahead and have what you  need with you so you won’t be late.

Junior or Senior?

Most exchange students want to be seniors. With being a senior comes certain “classic” American rights of passage and special activities, including: senior skip day, senior trip (sometimes to fun places like Disney World or Mexico!), senior prom and graduation. Most exchange students don’t actually get to graduate (or get a diploma), but as a senior you can be involved in the activities. Some schools let you walk in the graduation ceremony, others don’t.

Nowadays, however, a majority of exchange students are juniors. This is for a variety of reasons, but usually it is based on age — the average exchange student is 16, the appropriate age for a high school junior; however, it’s also because increasingly high schools are forbidding exchange students from being seniors.  Juniors also get prom, sometimes a special trip, and are often close to senior students.

If an exchange student is very young — 15 — they may be enrolled as a sophomore. The experience will still be fun, but my personal recommendation is to be an exchange student at 16 or older, because sophomore year isn’t particularly special. In many cases, sophomores cannot attend prom unless an older student invites them.

Classes you will HAVE to take… and what else you can take

All exchange organizations require students take two mandatory classes: English & U.S. History. This is a reflecti0n of State Department policy — since you are on an educational exchange to the U.S., you should take a class in our prevalent language (English) and on our history (U.S. History). Programs will also accept you taking U.S. Government or Civics, if there isn’t space in U.S. History.

Sometimes you get to choose your other four classes, but since exchange students usually pick classes after everyone else in school has, you may have to take whatever is left over. Likely classes you will find:

• Math — Algebra II, Pre-Calculus, Calculus, Triginometry
• Science – Chemistry, Biology, Physics
• World Languages – usually Spanish, French, sometimes German, Latin, Japanese
• Fine Arts – Art, Band, Orchestra, Chorus
• Other – Home Economics/Cooking, Wood Shop, Auto Shop, Business, Information Technology, Newspaper, Yearbook, Gym

Honestly, it differs at every school, and some have really fun subjects for you to take. Personally, I recommend taking at least one “fun” class like chorus, gym or art. You have to maintain good grades on your exchange, but if you load up on academic classes, it will be hard to do all your homework, in a foreign language.

As you can see, Maths & Science are very different from the European/International model. Instead of teaching all forms of math or science on a grade level, we break up the subjects. Generally, students learn Biology in 9th grade, Chemistry in 10th and Physics in 11th. They’ll take Algebra in middle school, then Algebra II in high school, then Pre-Calculus, then Calculus, etc. Maths tend to vary by school system. If you are good at math at home, take it in the U.S. — you’ll probably find it easy.

You may get to "walk" in graduation, but won't get a diploma

You probably won’t get a high school diploma

Increasingly, high schools do not give diplomas to exchange students. This is for a variety of reasons, but one of them is that some unscrupulous students, in the past, have used a high school diploma (awarded after one year of attendance) to game their way into a U.S. school as a resident student, instead of as an international student. Others have used it to aid them in violating their visa and stay in the U.S. Post-September 11, schools are just more wary of exchange students and how they conduct themselves in-country.

However, most of you are completely harmless, and just want to “graduate” like you see in the movies. Many schools do allow this — you can wear the cap & gown, and walk with your class. You just don’t get the official piece of paper. Check with your school at the beginning of the year to see their policy, so you don’t get disappointed at the last  minute that you won’t get to participate in the graduation ceremony.

Is American school hard or easy?

American school has a reputation among exchange students for being “easy.” And yet, time and time again, I’ve seen exchange students fail all their classes. In fact, it’s often the student who is the most adamant about Americans being “stupid” who fails their classes and must return home.

Here’s the thing: many of you will find high school easier than your school at home. College prep secondary education in other countries is, by and large, more difficult than American high school. Part of the reason for this is that all American teenagers go to high school together — there are no separate schools for vocation, or college prep. From this, comes a natural tendency towards the mean — American schools must teach the average student. The “college prep” types take honors classes and AP classes where they are offered, and that is where you will find the more rigorous, advanced American studies. So the next time you want to criticize the American school system, remember that students in your country often stop school at age 16, and aren’t in the same college-prep secondary schools that you are.

That said – not all American schools are created equal. Primary and secondary school education is determined on a state level, NOT by our national government. Thus, some U.S. states have better schools than others. Some of the most difficult schools in the country are located in New York state, Massachusetts, California, etc. Some of the worst schools in the country are in Georgia, Washington D.C., Arizona… and even within these states there are good schools and bad schools. Just bear in mind that you may end up in an “easy” school or a “hard” school.

How easy you find school will also depend on your level of English. Students for whom English is second nature won’t struggle on homework, tests or essays. If your base English level is lower, during the first few months of your exchange, school will be harder. Your host family and teachers will work with you if you are having trouble. They can even find you a tutor if you need it. Some students find school difficult all year — they could be attending a more difficult school, or they have the “hard” teachers in that school.

Homework & grading

U.S. high school differs from international schools in two key ways: there is less “by rote” learning, and LOTS of homework. Often in the European model, your final mark in a class or grade is based on one or two exams, and possibly an oral examination or paper/research project. Grading in the U.S. is based on a variety of factors including, but not limited to: attendance, participation, quizzes, tests, presentations and participation. Some parts are “weighted” heavier than others — so if you don’t participate and that is worth 50% of your grade, you may fail, even if you ‘aced’ your tests.

Usually, though, homework is a huge part of your grade. Many teachers give daily homework. Times daily homework by six classes, and you have a lot of work to do at home, after school. Some students spend 3-4 hours on homework each day. (see why I recommended taking at least one “fun” class out of six?) Homework sometimes feels like “busy work” — you may be filling in a work book, or answering short-answer questions, or writing an essay. But this is how teachers make sure students are following along with the lessons, and are learning key concepts.

If you don’t do all your homework, you can fail your classes. Some exchange students, thinking Americans are “stupid” and school is “easy” do not do their home, thinking they can ace tests and get by. Next thing you know, you have a D, you’re on academic probation, and you may be sent home. Don’t do it, kids.

Speaking of tests, you may be shocked by the typical American test format: multiple choice. Yes, some of our tests are easier. But many teachers will use short answer and essays to test knowledge.

Join a club - like marching band or cheerleading - as an automatic way to make friends

After school activities: a MUST

American teen social life revolves around school. A HUGE part of this is joining after school activities. Instead of community youth clubs, anything and everything you could want to do happens at school. Yes, you may make some friends in your classes, but by and large the friends you will make and keep you will find in extracurricular activities. Examples of things you can join:

• sports teams (basketball, tennis, swimming, track & field, football, softball, etc.)
• dance squad/cheerleading
• band
• orchestra
• chorus/glee club/show choir
• drama club
• science club
• language clubs
• Future Business Leaders/Farmers of America (differs by region)
• Academic decathlon/debate team
• Key club/community service club
• art club

Plus some schools will have really interesting and creative after school activities. It totally depends! You should join AT LEAST one of these activities/clubs. Particularly if you join a “team activity,” such as a sport, band, cheerleading or chorus, you will form a bond with your teammates and have a built-in group for your entire year at high school. Students who don’t do any activity often find themselves more socially isolated than their peers.

Cliques & making friends

A lot of the above groups feed into cliques — groups of students with a particular interest or personality who exclusively hang out with each other, excluding those who are not like them. Cliques can be good and bad. They can be good because once you are in one, you will have friends for the whole year, and tons to do. They can be bad, as sometimes they are difficult to break into, and you may be bullied by particular cliques. Life is not like High School Musical — all the different types of kids in high school are NOT all friends with each other.

The hardest part of making friends? Talking to people! You may have a host sibling or a friend of your host family to introduce you to people, but in many cases you will find yourself in home room, or English class, or drama club, not knowing anyone. Just say hi! People are generally friendly, and they will be interested to hear who you are, where you’re from and why you’re here. Ask someone who seems friendly if you can sit with them at lunch — that’s the first step in joining someone’s group in high school, and should open the door for other social activities, like going to the movies, football games, etc.

If your school hasn’t assigned you a student guide, don’t be afraid to ask for one. They will often have a school leader — a class representative, an honors students, or an office aid — give you a tour of the school, help you find your classes on your first day, and introduce you to people.

Don't go into your year looking for a boy/girlfriend...

Dating

My advice? DON’T DO IT. Ok, correction: it’s not like you can’t go on some dates. But do not, under any circumstances, get into a serious relationship during your exchange year. Why am I such a mood killer? Because nine times out of ten these relationships end in tears, ruin your exchange year, and lead to lots of regrets. Your American boyfriend/girlfriend is not the love of your life and, no, you aren’t going to marry him/her. If there’s someone you like and you’re really committed to the idea, by all means, try and come back for college. Maybe you’ll defy the odds and it will end happily. I have known exchange students and resident students who got married many,  many years later.

But I’ve known far more students have their relationships abroad crash and burn quite spectacularly. Dating really complicates things, more than you really need in an already emotionally complicated time in your life. It may start off really nice, but when you break-up (often about three months before you go home), you’ll end up throwing away the last few months of your exchange in post-break-up unhappiness, and often are no longer friends with the people you were friends with — break-ups break up cliques, and  as the visitor, you’re usually the one kicked out of the circle. It also sucks breaking up before Prom XD.

Remember, too, that some host families will not let their students date. So keep your relationships with the opposite sex casual (as in, be friends…), go on group dates and set realistic expectations both for yourself and for anyone you might find yourself dating. You’re only there for a year, and you will have to go home at the end of it. Have fun while it lasts, but don’t put all your eggs in one basket!

Peer pressure

Reality: some teenagers drink, party, do drugs and have sex. YOUR reality: if you do any of these things and are caught, you will be SENT HOME IMMEDIATELY. Don’t think you’re too clever to get caught, because most students do (Facebook privacy settings – use them. Tagging – don’t let others tag you).

You want to fit in, and you don’t want to see like a drag. So you feel pressured into doing what everyone else is doing. But you have a GLORIOUS and fabulous excuse that regular uncool American folk do not have — that you like your friends/America/high school too much to be sent home, so you can’t risk it. You can use this excuse and most people will let you get away with it, without docking you cool points. Awesome, right?

Regardless, peer pressure is pervasive, and no fun. If you are feeling pressured to do things, including and especially if the person pressuring you is a host sibling, talk to your local coordinator and/or your organization immediately. You shouldn’t feel uncomfortable in your school, or feel obligated to do drugs/drink/have sex. Anyone who requires that of their friends are not worth being friends with — they don’t really care about you, or your successfully completing your program.

Living the American Dream, part two – all about host families (& a little about cultural stereotypes)

In part one, I talked about the general stuff — where you are most likely to be placed, how you’ll get around, but I know what you really want to know about – your host family. I’ll also talk about common misconceptions and pre-judgments exchange students have about Americans, and how to approach them.

Your American family may not have mom, dad, siblings & a dog

You may not have host siblings

There is no “typical American family,” yet the exchange student “dream family” stereotype persists — a host mom, host dad, and at least one host sibling who is your age. Oh, and a big house and a dog, too.

Statistically speaking, yes, you are likely to be in a two-parent host family with children (especially given the host family demographic that is religious and conservative). However, quite often, students are placed with families who have no children living at home, and the exchange students become very upset over it. I’ve had exchange students demand to change families because this is “not what they paid for.”

Reasons you may end up in a (perfectly wonderful) host family without children:

• the couple may be older, with grown children who no longer live at home
• the couple may have been biologically unable to have children, and hosting an exchange student is a way for them to be parents
• the couple’s own child may be away at boarding school, or on their own high school exchange year
• the couple’s child/children may be college students, so you will only have host siblings during holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter) or on weekends (if school is close)

The good thing about a host family without children? You are the CENTER OF ATTENTION! Your host parents will have more time to devote to you — outings, getting to know you, sometimes buying you nice things — plus you’ll probably get your own room. Sure, it’s nice to have a host sibling who can show you around, introduce you to people and hopefully you can be friends with, but being without it isn’t going to ruin your exchange. If your host parents are on top of it, they will find a neighborhood kid your age or a family friend to do the same thing a sibling would, and you’ll be fine.

You might be hosted by – gasp! – a single person

Nothing leads to more student hissy fits than being placed in a home with a single person, or a single parent (usually a mother with a child). I want to be placed with a “real family,” they’ll say.

Wow, that is really cruel. You’re basically saying that someone’s home, family and life isn’t “real” or good enough for you. Single individuals host for a number of reason, and single parents are just as every bit a “real family” as two married people with kids. These “non-traditional family types” are also TOTALLY AMERICAN!

Here’s a secret about single people and single parent host families you probably don’t know: because they are “non-traditional” and they are worried that an exchange student will be disappointed not to live in a “typical” family, they will work TWICE AS HARD to show you a good time. This is especially true for single hosts (without children). You will get more attention, more “stuff,” more trips, more space and often more autonomy (aka: freedom). If your single host is on the young side – in their late 20s or 30s – they are way less likely to be conservative and super religious, and you’ll find the household rules a little more lax, and familiar.

My point is: be open to single hosts and single parents. Most organizations have to get your permission to live with a single host (without children), and this hosting offer can give you an opportunity to choose where you get to live. Many students think they are “gaming the system” by rejecting a home in a state or area they don’t think is “sexy enough” — you dream of California beaches, so you reject a single host with a large, expensive home in, say, North Carolina, or Oklahoma or Washington. Six months later, you’re living in the backwoods of Minnesota (which is also a lovely state, by the way), and you realize that living in the suburbs of a city in the South in a nice big house would have actually been pretty nice…

You may be “double hosted” with another exchange student

Some families don’t want just one exchange student, they want two! No more than two exchange students can live in one household, and those two students cannot come from the same country, or speak the same language (so a German and an Austrian couldn’t live together).

Your organization will have to get your permission for this arrangement. Be open to it! First of all, you’ll have a built in friend who is in the exact same boat as you — you’ll get to start school together, join activities, talk about culture shock and homesickness, and you know they’ll know exactly where you’re coming from. Being double hosted with another exchange student can be a way to have a host sibling if you’re living with a family (or single person) who doesn’t have children of their own. It’s also a way to get a double-dose of culture — you’ll learn about American culture, as well as the culture of your exchange student sibling.

But you want this year to be ALL ABOUT YOU! A lot of exchange students reject this arrangement because they don’t want to share the spotlight, or share a room. This can back-fire on you — if your host family selected you first, then wants to host a second student and you say no, they may see this as a red flag that you are selfish, and change their mind about hosting you. Yes, this happens.

You may have two host dads. (I realize none of you were alive when this show was on, and that the two dads on the show weren't a couple XD)

You might be hosted by a same-sex couple

Increasingly, same-sex couples are stepping forward to be host families. This is fantastic, because there are all kinds of families out there, and same-sex couples make excellent host parents. In some cases, hosting an exchange student may be the couple’s only opportunity to be parents.

Your exchange organization will get your consent to live with a same-sex family. A gay couple can only host a male student, while a lesbian couple may host a student of either gender. Like with single hosts, many students reject them immediately and don’t think it through. Please consider these wonderful host families! Just like I wrote above regarding single hosts, these host families will bend over backwards to be good host parents to you.

Bear in mind — your same-sex host family may have children at home, live in a nice big house, or be in a city. It takes a special student who is open-minded enough to live with a same-sex couple. Give it a chance!

Your family may not be white

I hate that I even have to write about this, but in my time working with exchange students, there were cases where a student placed with an African-American or other kind of minority family refused to live with that family because of their race. Some students made up excuses for why they couldn’t live there, others were upfront, but either way it was really frustrating to see happen. It’s not always the students you think who are racist, by the way. I won’t go into country finger-pointing, but needless to say, it’s disheartening.

While a majority of people in the U.S., and indeed also host families, are white, the United States is a wonderful “melting pot” culture with a diverse population and history, and you will encounter people of all different races. Indeed, your host family may be another race. This section is here just to point out a fact that should be obvious but isn’t to many. Your host family’s race doesn’t make them different from any other family. Keep an open mind, please.

You will probably have to go to church

The United States is a very religious, largely Christian society, especially in the mid-West, the “Bible belt” and generally in small towns and rural areas. Remember I said you will probably be placed in those areas? Yeah — the odds are fairly good you will be living with a host family is profoundly more religious than you are. And they are going to expect you to go to church.

I know, I know – you don’t *want* to go to church. Most teenagers don’t! However, bonding with your host family and becoming a part of the family hinges on your willingness to go attend church, at least sometimes. For many families, especially in small communities, church is the linchpin of their existence — most social activity in town happens in or around church. So attending isn’t just about God, or Jesus – it’s about social community.

Don’t worry — you host family can’t make you go, or convert you against your will. If you’re with a family who is trying to do that, alert your organization immediately. However, asking that you attend church early on a Sunday morning every once in a while isn’t “forcing” you to go to church. You have to be willing to meet them half-way. Try it for a few weeks, see how you like it, and definitely join the youth group. Often you can go and hang out with other teenagers, instead of sitting in the normal church service. Plus, there are fun things! Barbecues! Fairs! Trips! Volunteer activities! A lot of exchange students find they actually like going to church — and youth group!

Some host families live in double-wide trailers

Your host parents likely won’t be rich

Living in America is not like the OC. Or Gossip Girl. You’ll likely be living with families of average means, or even one of below average means. It’s perfectly likely you will be living with a family who is not as well off as your family — you are, afterall, spending $10,000 on a year abroad — so keep an open mind when it comes to your host family digs. Your host family gets NO MONEY for hosting you, but is opening their home — and their wallets — to care for you. Be grateful, and appreciate that living with a host family of different means is all part of the educational experience.

However, if you arrive at your host family and have genuine concerns regarding their financial means to host, contact your exchange organization. Your host family should not:

• be on food stamps
• be on welfare
• live in “Section 8” housing (government subsidized housing)
• ask you to pay room & board
• require you to pay for groceries
• struggle to buy enough food for the family (or ever NOT feed you)
• live in a home that is excessively dirty or cluttered
• be unable to provide you with your own bed, dresser and desk
• have an excessive number of foster children

Nowadays, exchange organizations require photos of host family’s homes and inquires about their income level, so this should not happen often. If you are concerned, though, please let someone know. Usually I would say your local coordinator should be your first point of contact, but just in case, I would call your exchange organization directly for something this serious. They will double check the host family’s home photos & application again and send an independent party (not the coordinator who did the original interview) to check on you and the home.

They might live in a trailer

This one is a tricky subject. Some people don’t think students should live in trailers, but the fact is that many families across the U.S. who are not unsuitable as host families live in trailers. The State Department distinction for trailers is that students MAY NOT live in a single wide, but they CAN live in a double wide.

Single wides are the trailers you see on TV and in the movies, and they are NOT suitable for exchange students — they are small, and when they house an entire family can be cramped. Double wides, surprisingly, can be just like any other single story home, from the inside. A lot of them are cemented to the ground — so it’s not like the family are wandering vagrants. This allowance may change in the future, but at present, exchange students can be placed in double wides.

You actually have to live like an American teenager

Yes, you are not the biological child of your host parents and they can’t “make you do things,” the way your natural parents can, but part of the “student code of conduct” you sign when you agree to be an exchange student talks about your agreeing to follow host family rules.

The strictness of your host parents will vary, but there are several key things that characterize the typical American household:

1. you will have a curfew (a time by which you must be at home, every night)
2. you will have to do chores (household responsibilities, such as taking out the trash, cleaning the bathroom, doing the dishes)
3. your host family may not let you date, or be alone with the opposite gender (outside a group, or behind closed doors)
4. you shouldn’t talk back to your host parents, or argue with them
5. you cannot drink alcohol (you are under the age of 21, and will be SENT HOME if you are caught drinking)
6. you can’t do drugs (even drugs you see as “harmless” — it’s illegal here and if you are caught, you will be sent home)
7. some families have an “open door policy,” restricting when you can close your bedroom door (especially when friends of the opposite gender come over)
8. your host parents will want to know where you are going, and who you will be with, most of the time.

Please kids, no nudity

Your host family may be “prude”

Americans have a different mentality toward sex than many other countries. To be frank, this country is a walking contradiction — sex is everywhere, and teenagers do it all the time, but we like to pretend it’s not there, or it’s bad, or only ok if you’re married. Your host family’s views will vary (there are plenty of progressive families who are “forward thinking” about sex), but here are some things that are pretty across the board:

• Americans aren’t comfortable with nudity. DON’T walk around your host family naked, or almost naked (I’m looking at you, my dear Swedish friends! XD). Even the most progressive host family (ok with sex & talking about it) won’t be comfortable with you walking around naked.
• If you are under the age of 18, you will most likely be considered “under age” in your state. If you engage in sexual activity with anyone over the age of 18 and are caught, your sexual partner may be charged with statutory rape.
• If your host family catches you having sex, they may kick you out of their home. It’s not nice, or fair, but it is true.
• It is not easy to procure condoms or birth control in some states. If you are on birth control, bring a FULL YEAR’S supply with you to the United States. To buy condoms, in many cases you will need someone over the age of 18 to purchase them for you.
• That said, technically you’re not supposed to be having sex during your exchange year. Be smart about it, please.
• Your host family may not be ok with your taking birth control. Use your best judgment — if your family is conservative (Republican) and/or religious (Christian or Catholic), asking for help producing birth control may backfire on you, and create conflict.
• Abortion is a hot-button issue in the U.S., with most conservative, religious families taking an anti-abortion stance. Avoid conflict and simply do not discuss this topic with anyone.
• If you get pregnant, you will be sent home immediately.
• If you are under the age of 18, you CANNOT LEGALLY CONSENT TO SEX WITH ADULTS. Especially if, God forbid, a host parent engages in a sexual relationship with you, they are not only breaking the law, but they are abusing a position of power they hold over you. If you are in this situation, seek help immediately.

You may meet people you think are stupid

The U.S. often gets a bad rap, especially abroad, for a poor education system, and a country of “stupid people.” I’ll admit, the average person’s knowledge of world affairs and geography is abysmal, but just like in any culture, there is a natural spectrum of smart and not-so-smart people.

Please, check your attitude at the door. Or, rather, at customs. You may be smarter than a lot of the people you meet, but you are not smarter than all of them. Sometimes a person who can’t even locate your country on a map, let alone knows anything about your culture, may be more clever than you think they are.

Also, these so-called “stupid people,” may also be some of the best people you will meet — sweet, caring and genuinely interested in your culture. Give them a break. But there will also be pig-headed morons who will spout ridiculous ideas and, yes, you’re likely smarter than they are. Smile, politely tell them you disagree, and move on. It’s not worth a fight.

Americans love to put their flag... everywhere

You may think American patriotism is crazy (or awesome)

Americans are very, very patriotic. We love our country — we talk about it, we sing about it, we wear t-shirts about it, we hang American flags outside our houses, we pledge allegiance to the flag every morning at school, you name it. For many exchange students this is the most perplexing, frustrating or exhilarating part of the American experience. In many other nations, this kind of unabashed pride in country simply isn’t ok — in Germany, for example, it’s unheard of. But in the U.S., patriotism is a way of life, and a state of mind.

You don’t have to say the Pledge of Allegiance at school, but you should stand in respect. Ask your American friends what patriotic songs they know — the sheer number of them and the way many have them committed to memory can be funny. Enjoy the patriotic holidays — Labor Day, Thanksgiving, President’s Day, Memorial Day, 4th of July. We celebrate with food, good movies on TV and shopping! 🙂

By and large, Americans are patriotic and harmless. I like to think of my fellow countrymen as over-sized, enthusiastic puppy dogs — we bound up to you, tons of energy, we jump up and down, maybe slobber over you a bit, but in the end we’re just puppies that want to lovvvveeee you. Even the most frustrating, seemingly ignorant, close-minded American has the best of intentions, usually. We can’t help how we are — we are raised this way. And we like you! We really, really like you… and want you to like us 🙂

American reality check: no, you can’t be an exchange student to England

Dream of the UK? Time for a reality check.

Once or twice a week, I see 14-year-old girls on Yahoo Answers with the same pipe dream: OMG, I LOVE accents and I LOVE HARRY POTTER and I TOTALLY WATCH *insert show here* and I LOVE *insert actor/famous person name here* so OBVIOUSLY, I must be an ~~**~~EXCHANGE STUDENT~~**~~ to the U.K. (full disclosure – this was almost exactly my thought process when I was 15!)

Reality Check: Studying abroad in the UK is difficult, if not impossible if you’re an American. Most of the big organizations do not offer U.S. to U.K. – none of the top, reputable organizations do (AFS, CIEE, YFU). Basically, they can’t get visas, so they don’t offer the option. This makes complete sense – any EU citizen can enter the UK and attend school if they want (so EU countries to UK exchanges are alive and well), plus US schools systems really aren’t compatible with the UK system. If you have a glut of students from all over the EU, you’re not going to give visas to Americans (it’s difficult for Americans to emigrate to the UK, period).

Did you know that most American high school students are 1-2 years behind UK secondary school in educational credits? This is why it is also difficult for Americans to go to the UK for university. Not only is it incredibly expensive to do this, but if you don’t have a significant number of AP or IB credits, graduating with a American high school degree will not qualify you for entrance into a UK university. It’s similar for your dream of being an exchange student.

Compulsory (aka: mandatory) education in the UK ends at 15 or 16, around what we consider the 10th grade. After that, students take their GCSEs to qualify for upper secondary school (the equivalent of US 11th/12th grade). Once/if they qualify for upper school, students pick focus subjects which they will take their A levels in. A levels are university entrance exams, and how well you do determines which universities will accept you. Most UK students don’t go on to A levels and university, only the top students do. Sound complicated? It is. So you want to go abroad junior year? You probably don’t qualify for upper secondary school, hence why you can’t be an exchange student. Most European school systems are similar to the UK system, and students from other countries (such as in Asia) attending IB international school programs can easily go into the UK school system and seemlessly transfer credits. You can’t.

The bottom line is, you can’t be an exchange student to the UK because U.S. agencies don’t offer the UK as a destination country. Could you, theoretically, apply directly to a UK school and go there? Sure, but if you are accepted, get ready to fork over at least $20,000, if not more. Hope you’re wealthy!

Sometimes your dreams just need a slight... adjustment

But still, you want to be an ~~**~~exchange student~~**~~ to England. It’s possible you genuinely are a candidate for exchange but need to reassess your destination country. Ask yourself these questions:

• why do you want to be an exchange student?
• why do you want to do an exchange to an English speaking country?
• are your reasons inspired by a celebrity, book, TV show or movie?

If your answers are “because it sounds fun!,” “because I don’t want to go somewhere unfamiliar and have to learn another language,” and “yes,” then you probably aren’t really prepared to be an exchange student, or you just aren’t ready yet.

Being an exchange student is absolutely worth it, but you have to be mature, ready for adventure and open to new experiences. If you’re only interested in the UK, you really need to examine why you want to go. Many many teenagers have a fantasy of going to the UK for school — I did too — but it’s not realistic. Being an exchange student can be challenging, especially emotionally, and most students go to a country where they don’t speak the language and customs are vastly different. If the UK, or London, is your dream destination, wait until college. Semester study abroad programs to London are incredibly common, and the UK is a lot more fun when you are 20 or 21!

Hopefully, if someone on Yahoo Answers (or me, on this blog) don’t “kill your dream,” your parents will. When I was 15, I asked my mom if I could go to the UK. She said no — she asked me similar questions as above, and closed the discussion. A year later, I approached her about a scholarship program to Germany. She said yes immediately. I was shocked. She saw that going abroad wasn’t just a passing fancy, but something I was really interested in, and the scholarship was an opportunity of a lifetime.

I’ve seen dodgy UK exchange websites pop up. These “programs” are dangerous, and most likely scams. You should only travel with reputable organizations in good standing with CSIET.  Reputable organizations are required by law and regulation to screen host families, have a local representative within short driving distance to you in case of emergency, etc.

I hope this has helped some eager young Americans get a sense of perspective. Know that I have been where you’ve been, and with a little adjustment of perspective and patience, everything worked out. My junior year of high school I went to Germany, it changed my life, and in college, I spent a semester in London. The UK is worth the wait (and also hella expensive!) 🙂

Why Host? — In Video

I am going to do a lot of waxing LONG in written form about hosting an exchange student, so I thought it would be refreshing to post some videos from YouTube that cover the general feel of the subject in just a few minutes 🙂 I will still provide you with (many) details, but here are some promotional videos you should watch:

By the YES Programs (which brings students from predominantly Muslim countries to the U.S.)

By EF Foundation, from the perspective of students (the largest Inbound program in the U.S.)

By U.S. Secretary of State, Hilary Clinton

A CIEE host family & coordinator talks about hosting on San Antonio Living (a TV program)

By AFS, one of the oldest exchange organization’s in the U.S.

Living the American Dream – what to expect from your U.S. exchange experience, part one (location, driving, weight gain)

By and large the top destination for exchange students is the United States. Each year, approximately 30,000 exchange students come to the U.S. for a year of high school and living with a host family. After both hosting and working with Inbound exchange students for several years, I’ve found the number one thing that works against exchange students is unrealistic expectations. Your exchange company in your home country should manage your expectations when you’re signing up, but they also want you to sign up with them, so there is some sugar-coating in program materials and at sales orientations.

This is not to say that being an exchange student to the U.S. isn’t an amazing experience. It just isn’t like the movies. A little reality check goes a long way, and will help you, the future exchange student, not only to write a stronger application (which I’ll be doing several whole posts on), but it will help to avoid any unhappy situations or misunderstandings with your host family once you arrive.

Exchange students don't live in cities like NYC, D.C., Boston, etc.

99% of you most likely will NOT be placed in a major city

I am going to burst the bubble right up front. You are not going to be placed in: New York City, NY; Chicago, IL; Boston, MA; or Washington D.C. You also more than likely will not be living in Los Angeles, CA; San Francisco, CA; Atlanta, GA or Miami, FL. The cities you might be placed in, you probably don’t think of as cities: Minneapolis, MN; Fargo, ND; Louisville, KY; Nashville, TN; Raleigh, NC; Houston, Texas; Birmingham, AL; Portland, OR, etc. etc. In fact, you may be placed in the suburbs outside these “cities,” which is pretty much the same difference.

There are many reasons as to why most exchange students do not end up in major U.S. cities, especially the famous ones. These reasons include, but are not limited to:

1. the public schools will not allow exchange students (Chicago, New York, Boston)
2. most of the residents of cities are too young, don’t have extra space, or can’t afford an exchange student
3. residents of cities are surrounded by diversity and, simply, do not care
4. residents of cities can afford to travel to foreign countries, so they don’t need to host

Reasons 1 & 2 are big factors. I’ve mentioned before that schools are the exchange industry’s bread and butter — if the public schools won’t take exchange students, there is no exchange program. Most major U.S. cities are bustling  with diversity. There are people from hundreds of countries within the city limits, there are a host of languages and cultures in schools and, in many cases, the schools are crammed to capacity, both with resident children and the children of illegal immigrants. The schools do not need, nor do they want, the burden of extra students on the school resources and budgets.

Then there is simply the demographics in major cities. There are a lot of young, busy professionals paying outrageous rents and with a high cost of living. A small apartment just barely meets their needs — there is no extra space for friends and family,  let alone an exchange student. Many people in cities have to co-habitat, sharing housing with 2, 3, 4 people into their mid-to-late 30s. As difficult as it is to find host families with space, money and willingness to host in these cities, it is equally difficult to find local coordinators who have extra space in their home, in case of emergency. Exchange organizations have to turn away many an enthusiastic 26-year-old who wants to mentor exchange students because they live in a shoebox apartment with three roommates.

Other residents of major cities just plain don’t care about hosting an exchange student. They are wealthy, live in giant houses, send their children to private schools (that cost upwards of $20,000 a year) and go to Europe/Asia/Latin America/where ever several times a year on vacation. They generally don’t need or care about cultural exchange.

Small towns all over the U.S. have "Main Street"s like this one

You probably WILL live in a small town or a rural area

For pretty much the opposite reasons you won’t be living in a city, you will probably be living in a small town or rural area. Families in the suburbs, in small towns and rural (farm) communities have homes with extra room, schools with little diversity excited to bring in exchange students, and little access to international culture. Some 80% of Americans don’t have a passport, and have never left the country. The only way they can experience culture and learn about ethnic diversity is to welcome an international teenager into their home and community.

Are small towns “sexy”? No. Can they be boring. Sure. But they also bring the ultimate, homegrown American experience — the plucky, happy-go-lucky Americans who go to football games, have tons of high school spirit, host country fairs and get really excited about having YOU around live in smaller towns.

What are some advantages of being placed in a small town or farm community?

• you may be your host family’s only avenue to culture — you can truly change their lives, and let them change yours, too!
• typical American experiences you won’t get other places — football games, county fairs, dances, family game night, drive-in movies, theme parks and lots of other little, iconic American activities that vary by family. People in bustling cities and suburbs just don’t have time for these things, or the places they live aren’t safe enough for them.
• you will either go to a small school where you are like a CELEBRITY, or you will go to an incredibly large “feeder school” (where kids from lots of small towns take the bus to go to one big school) that will have tons of activities. Either way, you will stand out, as an exchange student. In a city or near one, you will blend and won’t be special. I’ve seen exchange students who do get to bigger cities get really depressed because no one cares that they are there.
• your family won’t take for granted going to the “big city,” and will be more likely to take you on fun trips. People who live in cities don’t do touristy things in the city, let alone other major U.S. cities.
• you may not be able to go to the mall all the time, but when your family does make the trip, it’s a big deal, and a lot of fun

In America, the car is king

It won’t be easy to get around

Exchange students typically come from places with fairly decent public transportation. That is not the case with 90% of places in the U.S. America was built around the car, and accordingly, driving is the only way to get around. Most teenagers can’t drive, and even more exchange students can’t (it’s becoming increasingly difficult for exchange student’s to get driver’s licenses), so you will have to depend on other people to take you around.

You may feel cut off, trapped, listless, frustrated. Prepare for it ahead of time, and adjust. Ask your host parents how often they are willing to drive you places. If you’re living with a host family with a stay-at-home mom or dad, usually they are happy to take you around a lot (another advantage of a small town — more stay-at-home moms). Otherwise, you may need to coordinate your activities around your host brothers and sisters — if your host sister stays after school every day until 5:30, sign up for something on the same days she is there, so your host mom can pick you up at the same time.

Needing to get around is also a GREAT excuse for making friends! Make friends with teens who have a car, and suddenly, you will have lots more to do, and someone to take you there!

If you find your host parents won’t take you anywhere (to the point of being unreasonable) and you haven’t made any friends with people with cars, talk to your local coordinator. While both parties need to be flexible, a host family who doesn’t want to help you do any social activities may not be the best fit for you.

Obesity in the U.S. is a serious problem, but not one to be mocked or derided

Your host family, local coordinator and kids in your school may be overweight, or morbidly obese

Obesity is a serious and pervasive issue in the United States. During your year, you will most likely come into contact with individuals who are extremely overweight. If you come from a relatively slim culture (statistically likely, given the U.S. is one of the fattest populations on earth), you may find even moderately overweight people (or, the average in the U.S.) are much larger than you are used to.

Please, don’t judge these people. I’ve seen exchange student make nasty, inconsiderate remarks about fat people, with no understanding of our culture, why we are the way we are, and keeping an open mind. If you can share healthier eating habits with your host family, please do! Cook for your host family, tell them about meals in your country, and keep an open mind.

On that note, you will probably gain weight during your exchange year

Exchange students, on average, gain between 10 and 20 pounds during their program. No, it’s not because all Americans are fat and unhealthy, though the prevalence of fast food doesn’t help. This statistic is across the board for ALL exchange students, regardless of destination country. Adjusting to another culture and cuisine can be difficult, and it’s common for your weight to go up as you adjust.

Don’t freak out about your weight! I’ve seen exchange students become compulsive about weight gain, develop eating disorders and end up hating themselves because they’ve gained a few pounds. Your parents are not going to judge you or love you less because you come home a little heavier. If they do, you have other problems. Also, becoming stressed, angry or self-hating over 10 pounds is a really sure-fire way to isolate and upset your host family, especially if they are overweight.

The good news is, most exchange students find the weight comes right off, as soon as they get home. There’s nothing like familiar routine — and the active lifestyle that is more common in a lot of countries — to take off the temporary weight.

Nowadays, it is very difficult for an exchange student to get a license

You probably won’t be able to get a driver’s license

In the 80s, 90s and early 2000s, coming to the U.S. was a substantial leg-up for exchange students in one particular area: getting a driver’s license. It was the American Dream! A way to get around your country’s pesky “no driving until 18 or without an expensive driving course” laws. In recent years, I can’t tell you how many students I had to listen to complain about how it was “their right” to get a driver’s license because they “paid for their exchange program.” Why were they upset? Because most exchange students no longer are able to get their driver’s license in the U.S.

In some states, it is flat out impossible: no permanent residency or social security number? No driver’s license. In others, the learner’s permit rules are such that it simply isn’t logistically possible for exchange students because of their visa — if the length of your program is 11 months, max, and you have to have a learner’s permit for 12 months to get a license, you just won’t be able to do it. In other states, it’s your age: if you haven’t turned 17 yet, you can’t get a learner’s permit (so if you’re 16, too bad). In other cases, there’s just a TON of red tape, and a lot of the responsibility of getting you a license falls on your host parents’ shoulders. And it isn’t their responsibility to get you a license. In some states it is still possible (the really obscure, rural farming ones, by the way), but in most it is either impossible or incredibly difficult.

Also, liability is a huge part of it: if you’re going to drive, you’ll be driving your host family’s vehicle. Do you blame them for not wanting to take on the liability of a teenage exchange student?

Being an exchange student is great for so many reasons — you don’t need to get a driver’s license to make it worth it, do you?

~*~

Part two will talk about different types of host families, “typical American” misconceptions, making friends and attending high school.