Filling out the application – what every exchange student needs to know (religion, dietary restrictions & allergies)

So you’ve decided that your dream is to be an exchange student. Congratulations! You are taking the first step towards the experience that will change your life. Much of the behind-the-scenes advice I will give you for filling out your application is to help you stand out — in the right ways — to a U.S. host family. However, that doesn’t mean some tips won’t be relevant for other destinations.

Your application not only gives the exchange organization an idea of whether or not they want to accept you on the program, but is also one of only two things families will use to decide whether they want to host you. Your application will go through a lot of hands — in-country sales reps, host family placement reps in the U.S., regional field managers, local coordinators and multiple host families. Read below for the Do’s and Don’ts for filling out your application, and make it a stellar and honest representation of who you are.

Basic tips:

• Write legibly. Some organizations use digital apps, but if it is hand-written, WRITE CLEARLY.
• Be honest. Lying about yourself or your expectations will lead to host family conflict later.
• Fill it out yourself — this is your application, NOT your parents’.
• More is more. One-word answers or short, lifeless sentences are not only boring, but do not tell a family much about you. Write 2-3 varied sentences for each free-answer question. Write 2-3 paragraphs for your essay/letter.
• Take your time. Don’t rush your application — for the next year or so, what you write will determine the course of your future. Scary, but exciting!

Most exchange student applications are going to ask you the same, or similar things. Some of them may not make sense within your cultural context, or may be confusing. I will do my best to explain why these questions exist and how you should answer them.You may hear lots of advice from former exchange students, or receive application coaching from the exchange agency sales office itself.  They mean well, and in some cases are correct, but sometimes their advice goes against the “be honest” tip – and to your detriment.

Church is an important part of many American families' lives

Religion, religious frequency & willingness to attend services with your host family

This early application question is a tricky one. You should be honest, but extreme honesty can also keep you from finding a host family. To wit: the United States is a very religious country. A vast majority of host families are religious — usually Christian. They attend church weekly, some more. Unlike them, most of you (exchange students) are not religious at all. Especially in Europe, most people are secular. Even if you identify with a religion — Protestant, Catholic — you likely don’t go to church.

My advice? Be honest about religious affiliation and frequency — if you attend services on Easter and Christmas, say. If you go more than twice a year, say “occasionally.” Whenever possible, don’t say you are Agnostic or Athiest. These are “cold” terms that a lot of host families will not understand. If you are Agnostic — raised under a certain religion but you NEVER go to church, say the religion your family is (Protestant, Lutheran, etc.) but say you NEVER go to church. If you’re an Athiest? You shouldn’t lie, but be aware it will be incredibly difficult for your organization to find you a home.

Regardless of what you are, the kicker is usually willingness to attend services with your host family. I’m guessing most of you don’t want to go to church. I understand — I didn’t want to go to church when I was 16, either (and I didn’t — there are secular Americans, but they don’t host as often). But the number one ticket to going to the bottom of the student application pile? Saying “No,” you won’t attend services with your family. Even if it is honest to you, do you know how it reads? That you are closed-minded and judgmental of religion (or those other than your own). If you are a devout Catholic and can’t possibly imagine going to something other than a Catholic church… think long and hard about that, because it comes off as intolerant.

The magic answer for this question: Occasionally or Yes. How can you put this answer and still be honest? Here’s the thing: it’s a cultural exchange. You  need to be open-minded, and at least willing to try things. Put occasionally and try church — in a lot of small American communities, going to church is the only way to meet people, and socialize. There are usually youth groups you can join, so you don’t have to sit through the services every week.

If you can't bear to eat meat, make sure you provide your potential host family with details!

Dietary Restrictions

Many applications will ask you if you have any dietary restrictions. Please, for the love of God, DO NOT BE COMPLETELY HONEST HERE. It sounds counter-intuitive, but often students take the idea of saying everything about themselves a bit too far. Where it can really count against you is with dietary restrictions and allergies.

So you’re a picky eater and you don’t really like beef or mushrooms or yogurt or what-have-you. This is not a dietary restriction. You’re picky, BIG DIFFERENCE. Don’t put more information than you need to — you can tell your host family all about your little preferences once you arrive. A family sees a laundry list of “dietary restrictions” on an application and they will run in the opposite direction, because they think you are difficult. You should only put that you don’t eat beef or pork if it’s a dietary restriction based on a religious restriction. In any other case, it’s Too Much Information.

If you are a vegetarian… ok, this is tricky. So you can’t bear to eat the meat of cute little animals. I’m with you. But your average American host family? Thinks you are an alien from Planet Crazy. Vegetarianism is up there with “pet allergies” and “athiesm” for the top things that will have you rejected by host family without reading your application. Here’s the vegetarian “Questions to Ask Yourself” check-list:

1. How long have you been a vegetarian?
2. Why are you a vegetarian?
3. Is your natural family all vegetarian, or are you the only one?
4. Can you cook your own food?
5. Do you need special food, like tofu?
6. Are you *really* a vegetarian?

1) If you’ve only been a vegetarian for a few months, because it’s fashionable, or you want to piss of your parents, or you really love cuddly animals, then look to number 6) and think long and hard about listing yourself as a vegetarian on your application. Are you going to be a vegetarian in one year? If it means not finding a host family for months and months and months, is it worth it to you to be a vegetarian? I can’t tell you how many students arrive in the U.S.and are no longer vegetarians, or only last one week before falling in love with juicy American steaks and hamburgers.Save us all the trouble and think long and hard about calling yourself a vegetarian if it’s going to be a passing phase.

So you’re really serious about being a vegetarian. I whole-heartedly support you! Here are the things you NEED to mention on your application. You can’t just say you’re a vegetarian and move on. Host families will jump to all sorts of conclusions that will work against you.

2) Tell your host family why you decided to become a vegetarian. Usually the answer is you just can’t bear to harm animals. It’s fine to say this, but keep it from being judgmental. 3) If you are the sole vegetarian among your family who eat meat with abandonment, say this — your potential host family will be able to relate to your natural family, and it will be easier for them to picture themselves hosting you. 4) Volunteer to a) eat the sides to any meal your family prepares and b) cook vegetarian food for your family. These make you seem open-minded, grateful and helpful. You don’t want to seem difficult.

5) If you are a serious vegetarian, then you know that you can’t just eat vegetable sides and stay nutritionally balanced and healthy. If you regularly prepare tofu and other vegetarian food substitutes, in a lot of parts  of the country, especially small towns, you won’t be able to find the food that you need. Honestly, if you are a serious vegetarian and need special food, where you can be placed is going to be restrictive. It’s difficult but not impossible to place students near cities, or places with specialty stores (your friends? Whole Foods and Trader Joes). Say on your application that you are happy and willing to buy your own special food (like tofu, etc.).

Now that we’ve got vegetarianism out of the way, let’s get to the other dietary restriction you SHOULD NOT MENTION. If you are mildly lactose intolerant, do not say so. If you are seriously lactose intolerant? Yes, say so. But if you can selectively avoid dairy or tack lactaid pills? Don’t put it. It’s something you can deal with with your family later on in the process.

If you are gluten intolerant or diabetic, of course you need to say so. Honestly: these conditions are hard to place, BUT it is your exchange organization’s job to find you a safe, caring family who can take care of you, if you have one of these conditions.

The short end of it: a lot of host families simply don’t understand your food restrictions. They see anything filled out and they see a red flag – difficult student! Abnormal student! If it’s minor, don’t put it. If it’s major, explain it, and how you/your host family can easily work around it.

Over 60% of Americans own pets

Allergies

The same rules that apply for dietary restrictions stand for allergies: unless it is life-threatening and on your medical certificate DO NOT MENTION IT. I can’t tell you how many times I saw a student rejected over and over again for an “allergy” it turned out didn’t even exist, or was minor! Basic tips:

• you are NOT allergic to animals just because your mom, sister, whatever is allergic. Get an allergy test if you think are allergic.
• unless you are clinically diagnosed and it is on your medical certificate, YOU ARE NOT ALLERGIC TO COLD. (this is a real condition, but most students I saw who put it were lying to be placed in a warm region, or were hypochondriacs)
• if you are “allergic to dust” but this is controlled by a) not being around dust or b) taking simple medication, DON’T PUT IT. Most normal human beings sneeze around dust. You do too? Not an allergy.
• Hayfever. Are you legitimately allergic to pollen? Lovely. If so, put it on your application and it will be on your medical certificate, too. If you’re not? DON’T SAY YOU HAVE HAYFEVER.
• A runny, sniffly nose is NOT AN ALLERGY. It’s a natural reaction to having a stuffy nose. (in Asian cultures, this is called Rhinitis) So you have a stuff nose a lot? Take some decongestants. They are readily available in the U.S. Listing this as an allergy, however, makes most Americans think you have some horrible, communicable disease… not a stuffy nose.
• If you don’t like pets – as a preference – DO NOT MAKE UP A PET ALLERGY. You will become a student application pariah, and instead of finding a pet free home based on your preference, you may not find a home at all, or take a pet-free home away from a student with a legitimate, deadly allergy. Shame on you.

Pet Allergies

This is the big one. Here’s something that many exchange students do not realize when they apply: most U.S. families have animals. Living in a host family with an animal is as much a part of the “American experience” as going to high school. Americans who don’t have animals? Usually live in small apartments in big cities, and they aren’t host families (no room, no interest and no schools).

I noticed over the years that certain countries have a ridiculously high incidence of children with pet allergies. This is an American exchange organization’s worst nightmare — students with pet allergies are the most difficult to find homes for. We  may find a pet-free home… but their interests don’t match the student. We may find a perfect match… but they have a dog.

The frustration: some of these students are a) lying (because they don’t *like* pets), b) are untested and basing their allergy on their mom, dad, brother, sister, etc. being allergic, c) basing their diagnosis on incredibly unscientific personal observation — “I went over to my friend Bobby’s house once and picked up his cat and it made me sneeze and itch.” or d) the student’s allergies are, in fact, minor and could be controlled with simple allergy medication… but they don’t clarify the severity of their allergy. Or they are allergic to dogs but not cats, etc. etc.

If you put that you are allergic to animals, your exchange organization  is going to assume you have a deadly allergy and if you are placed in a home with animals, your safety and life will be at risk. If this is not the case? You are not only wasting the organization’s time, but you risk not finding a host family for many months, or not finding a family at all. Your perfect host family may have come and gone — because they thought you were deathly allergic to animals.

Please, clarify the extent of your animal allergy. If you’re not sure, get an allergy test done. If it turns out your not allergic? Congratulations! You can now be in the large pool of students who can be looked at by all host families. If you are allergic but it can be controlled with medication? Say so — a LOT of Americans have mild animal allergies, but take medication so they can still have a pet (we are a pet-loving society!). Fun fact: I am not allergic to animals, but if I pick up a cat and get its fur in my face? I sneeze and itch, too. Anecdotal evidence doesn’t mean you have an allergy!

**~**

Stay tuned for more application tips in my next post! Next up: why you want to be an exchange student, hobbies, your parents and things you should never say.