What you need to know about playing sports

A vast majority of exchange students play a sport, and are interested in continuing that sport or picking up a new one while they are in the U.S. However, exchange organizations cannot guarantee students that they will be able to play in the U.S. In some states, exchange students cannot play at all. In others, there are restrictions, regulations and “red tape” the student must get through to play. And yet in others there are no restrictions at all. There are also national, State Department rules regarding students who are sporty, their host families and why they are coming to America.

In general, as an exchange student, you should not pin all your hopes and dreams of a successful year on playing a specific sport. You may end up disappointed, or in some cases, students don’t want to come at all once they learn they won’t be able to play soccer or baseball or what have you. The exchange experience and a year in America is worth so much more than playing a sport.

Some states do not permit certain kinds of exchange students to play sports

State Department regulations

In response to some abuses of J1 visas many years ago, the State Department restricts students coming to the U.S. solely to play sports. Basically, if you’ve been recruited to an exchange program for the sole reason of playing a sport at a school, or living with a coach, you cannot do so. A school or coach or sports association may not pay your program fee in order to get you to the U.S. What happened in the past as coaches would bring dozens of students from certain countries — Swedes, Danes, Germans to play soccer/hockey, etc. — house them in unsafe and unsatisfactory situations (such as 10 students sleeping on cots in a basement), and have them as “ringers” on teams.

For this reason also — the ringer one — if you are a high school sport coach, you cannot host a student who plays or has an interest in the same sport as you coach. A  lot of potential host families are upset by this, because, understandably, if it’s someone’s job to work in a sport, that sport is something important to the family that they would want to share with a student. Regardless, this State Department policy is not flexible.

State Sport regulations — who can and cannot play

Many states, including Kentucky and Indiana (to name a few), have extensive regulations on exchange students playing sports in high school. This is because in these states high school sports are taken very seriously, and they want to control abuses of exchange student students and their potential talents. Be aware that in many states, the following types of students cannot play sports:

• those who have “graduated” from secondary school in their home country
• those who are pre-placements (aka: they knew their host family before coming to the U.S.)
• students living with local coordinators
• students who are over the age of 18

In many of these states, the exchange students who want to play must submit paperwork — and a letter from their exchange organization — proving that they were not recruited to play sports, their parents paid their program fee, and they are not in violation of regulations.

You may make the football team, but might not get to play

When you can play… you may not get to play

The most common sport dream of students is to join their high school American football team. This is the quintessential sport (despite the national past time being baseball) that you see featured in feel-good movies & TV shows about high school and college. When the downtrodden team triumphs against adversity, they’re usually a football team.

Many exchange students dream of playing American football. They couple these dreams with those of living in big cities, or by the beach, or in a “sexy” state like California or Florida. The funny thing is, the students who live the “American dream” and have the rare but oft publicized experience of becoming the high school quarterback or making the winning touchdown generally go to small schools in the middle of nowhere. Why? Because it’s only in small towns or schools with not particularly good teams where an exchange student who has never played football before can try out, get on the team and get a starring position.

Big schools or those where the team has won many championships just isn’t going to have space on the field or the team for a stranger who doesn’t know anything about the game. American students also dream of playing high school football, and have practiced for many years to get good enough to “make the team.” So keep your expectations realistic: you may “make the team,” because your school is nice, but you might never play in a game. This is fine, too, you still get to feel like you’re part of the team, make those friends and go on trips to away games, but you’re not going to be the star of the movie. Other students do get lucky and have that experience, but it’s rare.

Your favorite sport may not be played where you are living

The popularity of certain sports, especially those that are season-dependent or more obscure in the U.S., will differ depending on where you are living. So let’s say rugby is a really important part of your life, and you indicate on your application that you MUST continue to play rugby during your exchange year. This is going to severely limit where you can live because, frankly, almost no one in the U.S. knows what rugby is, let alone plays it. The few places that do either a) don’t have schools that will accept students (in urban, wealthy areas) or b) the families in the area simply are not interesting in hosting.

Here are some sports that may be difficult to play in the U.S., or that not all schools will have:

• rugby
• crew/rowing
• handball
• soccer/football
• swimming
• skiing/ski-jumping
• snowboarding
• gymnastics
• netball

And here are sports that many American schools/regions WILL have, that not a lot of exchange students know how to play (but families want):

• baseball
• basketball
• American football
• track & field
• softball
• cheerleading
• volleyball

There need to be some compromises on both ends, obviously, but I can’t tell you how many times a student has REFUSED to go to a host family/continue their exchange because they couldn’t play their obscure/culturally specific sport (usually rugby or crew) or a host family refused to host until they found the “perfect” student who was already an expert baseball or American football player.

I want your sport dreams to come true, I do. I cannot tell you how proud I was anytime a student I worked with became the star player on his/her team, or a “perfect match” was made because of a sport interest. It’s a nice feeling. But I want you to keep open-minded about the whole thing. Your “perfect family” may live in a state where you can’t play sports, or in a school district that doesn’t have your favorite sport. Take a deep breath, calm down and stay positive — you’ll have a great time, regardless. I promise!

Filling out the application – why you want to be an exchange student, hobbies, parents & other issues

In part one, we discussed three things that might not seem like a big deal but can make a huge impact on how a host family views you: religion, dietary restrictions and allergies. In this post, we will go over all the basic application and questions, why you’re asked them and what phrases/answers you should avoid giving. To jog your memory, here are the main things to remember:

• Write legibly. Some organizations use digital apps, but if it is hand-written, WRITE CLEARLY.
• Be honest. Lying about yourself or your expectations will lead to host family conflict later.
• Fill it out yourself — this is your application, NOT your parents’.
• More is more. One-word answers or short, lifeless sentences are not only boring, but do not tell a family much about you. Write 2-3 varied sentences for each free-answer question. Write 2-3 paragraphs for your essay/letter.
• Take your time. Don’t rush your application — for the next year or so, what you write will determine the course of your future. Scary, but exciting!

Why do you want to be an exchange student?

This question is most important for your admission onto the program, but host families look at it too. The object of this question is to determine whether you want to go for the right reasons — learning American culture, perfecting your English, challenging yourself, etc. — and not because your parents are making you, you want a vacation or you hate home and want to escape it. Even if you lie on this question — which you shouldn’t anyway — the exchange organization will also ask you in person at your interview, to make sure you have the right intentions.

Do you smoke? Are you willing to live with a family who smokes?

Most exchange programs do not permit students to smoke. When you sign up, a part of your student contract is that you will give up smoking, if you smoke. There are several reasons for this, but one of the big ones is that if you’re under 18 in the U.S. you legally cannot buy cigarettes/smoke.

But your organization isn’t stupid, and we all know a lot of Europeans smoke. Answer the question honestly: do you smoke, and if so, how much a day? If you have a serious smoking habit, it is going to be more difficult to find you a home. But it doesn’t mean you won’t find one. If you only smoke a cigarette sometimes, maybe once a month or so in social situations, don’t say you smoke. It’s not worth the hassle.

Are you willing to live with a family who smokes? Be honest, but don’t be restrictive. If you genuinely, 100% could not live with a smoker, even one who never smokes in the house, say so. But if you could live with someone who smokes out in the yard, or only in one room, don’t limit yourself. A lot of students miss out on good families because they won’t accept a family with one member who smokes outside.

What are your hobbies? What hobbies do you want to continue/try in the U.S.?

This area of your application is critical, and misunderstandings on your part OR a poorly written application on the organization’s part can lead to bad host family matching, and problems during your exchange. Many host families choose their students based solely on hobbies, especially sports and music.It is important for you to both honest about your hobbies, but also clear about which ones you are “expert” in and which ones you want to try.

Be very clear about which sports you compete in

Sports

This is the BIG one. Host family’s want students who either share their sport interest (watching, playing casually) or, usually, a student who is COMPETITIVE in the same sport as their child/family. Your organization’s application should allow you to notate how skilled you are in a sport, which one is your favorite, and which ones you want to play in the U.S. Students sometimes are confused about what these terms mean, and what they should put.

• I compete in this sport – means you play on a team *currently,* at a competitive level (against other teams/for trophies), and are serious about the sport
• This sport is my favorite – means maybe you play this sport casually, in sport class at school, or after school with friends (ie: shooting hoops at the basketball court at the park), OR maybe you just really like to watch this sport on television/live. If you mean you like to WATCH, mark that on your application. You wouldn’t mind following this sport in the U.S., but it is not the most important thing to you.
• I want to continue/try this sport – means you either REALLY want to play the same sport in America, or you have NEVER played the sport and want to try to play. If it is the latter — you want to *try*, make sure to put that on your application. There is a BIG DIFFERENCE to an American family of a student who already knows how to play, say American Football or Baseball, and a student who thinks it sounds fun and would like to learn.

Do not say you are “competitive” in a sport that you have not played for many years, and would not want to continue in the U.S. If you played soccer (football) when you were 12, but now you are 15 and have no interest to return to playing, do not say you are a competitive soccer playing. Be very clear about wanting to TRY or simply LIKING a sport. There is a big difference between wanting to TRY or LIKING snowboarding and being a competitive snowboarder. Same goes for hockey, tennis, swimming, etc.

If you will DIE and BE MISERABLE if you can’t continue your favorite sport in the U.S., yes you should indicate this, but if you play an obscure sport or one that is not popular/common in the U.S., know that this will limit your placement options.

If you play American Football or Baseball in your home country, WRITE IT and INCLUDE PICTURES in your photo album. Competitive knowledge of these two sports will find you a family FAST. (but only put them if it’s true!) If you are competitive in soccer or hockey, also definitely say this — there are families in certain parts of the country who really want these sports!

Ladies: if you want to TRY cheerleading, it is ok to put that. Say if you’ve danced before. If you have done cheerleading in your home country, say so, and include pictures! Families definitely look for this.

Please note, I will be doing an entire post just on playing sports during your exchange year.

If you play a brass or string instrument, say so!

Music/playing an instrument

Another very big thing host families look for is students who play the same musical instrument as their children/the host parents. It is incredibly important that you be honest and clear about your musical talents and interests.

The application should ask you if you play any instruments, and how well you play them. Your options usually are:

• I play often/well – put this if you play your instrument at least once a week, in a band, orchestra or through practic
• I play sometimes – put this if you kind of know piano/guitar/whatever but don’t play too often
• I would like to learn – put this if you really want to learn a completely new instrument/hobby in the U.S.

The application may also have you put how many times a week/month/year you play. BE HONEST. DO NOT say you play an instrument such as clarinet, flute, saxophone, tuba, trombone, oboe, violin, viola, cello, etc. unless you play often/well. If you played when you were ten but now you’re fifteen… you aren’t going to play those instruments during your exchange year, and to put them will be misleading to your host family.

If the application asks if you are in band/orchestra and you say you participate, specify which instrument you play, and whether or not you want to join band/orchestra in the U.S. Some host families choose their students based on their playing an instrument, and wanting to be in the band.

General Hobbies

Your application will have many other options for hobbies & interests, including:

• reading
• cooking
• computer
• listening to music
• playing games (video or board)
• hiking
• camping
• fishing
• hunting
• singing
• dancing
• instruments you play/like/want to play
• sports you play/like/want to play
• volunteering/working with children
• volunteering/working with the elderly
• community service
• and more

Do you know what the most boring hobbies responses ever are? A student who: listens to music, plays on the computer and likes, say, one sport that they don’t even *play*. And that’s it. This happens all the time, and you know what it says to your host family? I like to sit in my room with my iPod, spend hours on the Internet, and I’m very anti-social. EVERYONE listens to music. EVERYONE uses computers. Also, SHOPPING IS NOT A HOBBY. If the only thing you’re interested in shopping, you come across as shallow and spoiled. The average “home grown” family will be afraid to host you. You must have other hobbies, I’m sure — don’t be lazy when filling out this section. Take it seriously and give it thought.

Ok, so let’s say you don’t like any sports or music and you think you’re “boring.” You need to be honest, because if you’re a home-body nerd-type, you shouldn’t tick off wanting to learn a bunch of sports just to look attractive to a host family. The application should have a line for “other” where you can fill in your own special hobbies. So you like to read, cook, watch TV… and scrapbook. That last one is a great one to put! It’s very specific, and may help connect you with the right host family. Maybe you like to volunteer at the animal shelter. Or design websites. Get specific, and be honest. You never know what might make you “the one” for a host family! Also: if you are a Scout in your country, put that — a lot of families look for Scouts (girls and boys!).

You are lovely, just the way you are... just don't be completely honest about it

How much time do you spend on the Internet, and what do you use it for?

This is a trick question. The answer for most of you, nowadays, is 24/7.  Ok, maybe more like 10-12 hours a day. Between school, your phone and surfing at home, it’s pretty accurate for the modern person under the age of 30. At school alone, some students are sitting in front of computer screens in every or most classes. You probably spend a lot of time on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Skype, AIM, etc. etc.

The problem is, the people reading your application are your parent’s age. Or your grandparents’ age. And they think the computer/Internet is an ALIEN CREATURE that is BAD FOR CHILDREN and should be used sparingly, if at all. A lot of American host families — and coordinators — are totally behind on the times, and do not like students who use the computer too much. They think they are anti-social and not well-behaved.

You should be honest. Really, you should. But here’s how you need to answer this question: 1-3 hours a day (whatever is closest for you in reality). I use it for homework, research and talking with my friends and family. You can put “Facebook” if you want, but don’t put any other specific sites you use, because your host family will probably have clue what they are, or they will be a turn-off.

Be very, very careful with this question. That is all.

Describe something about which you are proud

What kind of crazy, stupid question is this?, you might ask. This is a very, VERY American question that will, aptly, seem foreign to many an exchange student. Here in the U.S., we’re very proud. Proud of our country, proud of ourselves, proud of other people. Pride is often seen as a defining characteristic of people, and their lives.

But this concept means nothing to you. I know that in some countries, being proud, especially of your country, is just not allowed.

Yet, this question is very important to your host family. They want to see what is important to you, and they want to read something they, too, can identify with.

Here is how you should answer this question: think of some accomplishment you have had in the last two to three years. It could be achieving good grades, winning a competition (sport, music, science, academic), doing something nice for your family or even being brave enough to apply to be an exchange student. Then put that you are proud of that. You’re done!

Everyone likes Christmas. Be more creative.

What is your favorite family tradition?

You know how most students answer this? Christmas. You know what this tells your family? You like getting presents once a year. BORING. If Christmas is truly your favorite family tradition, fine, but at least provide some detail. Too many students write a one word response to this question, instead of explaining — maybe it’s the family dinner, or singing carols, or Christmas markets, or attending a church service that you enjoy. Otherwise, people just assume, like every other teenager on the planet, that you like to receive gifts.

More interesting answers to consider – family game night. Going to sport games. Picnics. Visiting the family garden plot in summer. Picking strawberries/mushrooms/etc. Even nightly or weekly family dinner is a good reply. Provide detail. Your potential host family wants to get an idea of what your natural family unit is like, and whether you will fit into their family.

What do you think you will miss most while you are away?

I’ll tell you the number one way NOT to answer this question: “My boyfriend/girlfriend.” BAD IDEA.

So you have a boyfriend/girlfriend at home, and they really are the person you will miss most. Do you know what this says to your host family? T-R-O-U-B-L-E. Also spelled D-R-A-M-A. An exchange student who comes to the U.S. pining for a significant other is a total drag. They experience homesickness worse, are more likely to communicate with home too often, less likely to bond with their host family and most likely to return home early, early on in the program.

You, glorious teenage creatures that you are, are  enough of a handful when you come over single. But with the emotional baggage of long-distance teen romance? Most host families don’t want to touch that with a ten foot pole. It also points out to many a conservative, prude American family that — OMG! — you may be sexual active. They’d rather stay completely ignorant of that, trust me.

You can say your friends, you can say your family, you can say the food. But don’t say you’ll miss your boyfriend/girlfriend. To be brutally honest, it’s statistically likely by the time you actually leave for your exchange — 6 months to one year AFTER you fill out your application — that you will have broken up. So why brand yourself student application kryptonite for no reason?

Calling home isn't always the best idea when you're homesick

How do you think you will handle being homesick?

Honest but not the best answer: “call home.” This isn’t a *bad* answer, but it’s not the best one. Your host family wants to see that you are mature, and ready to rely on them for support. Homesick students who contact home too much (phone, video chat or email) actually get more homesick, and can cause host family problems.

You also don’t want to be a stoic and pretend you aren’t going to miss home at all. Or, if you genuinely don’t think you will miss home at all (because you don’t like home/your parents)… well, your host family may think you an an unfeeling sociopath, so I’d avoid that answer.

Middle of the road is best. If/when you get homesick, you will talk to your host family, do activities to take your mind off it, maybe send an email home, cook food from home for your host family, etc. etc. These are nice, sound answers. And also just plain good advice…

What are your responsibilities at home? Do you have any chores?

This section is a critical one that a lot of coordinators and host families don’t pay enough attention to. What, if any, rules & guidelines your parents have for you will effect how successfully you integrate into a typical American household. A huge part of the American family dynamic, and life as a teenager in general, is having chores — daily or weekly responsibilities that you must complete in order to remain in good standing with your parents.

Obviously, be honest here. If your family has a maid (yes, it happens), say you don’t have to do any chores at home. If your one job is to be home by 11 p.m. (23:00)  on week days and respect your parents, say that. Hopefully, the host family who chooses you actually reads this section and then works with you to acclimate you to the responsibilities they expect of you during your year.

Describe your family/a typical day in your family

This question is super, super important. I can’t tell you what you should & shouldn’t write — what is important to you about your family that you want to share, only you know. All I can beg of you is that you don’t blow off this section, and do your best not to write in staccato, repetitive sentences. Be creative! Write complex sentences! The placement rep at your organization will look at it, so will the local coordinator and finally so will the host family. They’ll look at your family structure, the way you write about your parents, and the way you talk about your lifestyle to determine what kind of family you’ll fit best with.

The essay/letter to your host family

This is the MOST IMPORTANT part of your application. I cannot stress that enough. The essay will prompt you to write a letter to your host family, introducing yourself, where you’re from, and what you’re looking forward to doing with them. Most organizations will have you write this essay at the group interview, timed and without help (no dictionaries/Internet). Understandably, your English level will vary based on your comfort level, but try your best to write a thorough, detailed and honest letter.

This is not only where you get to show off your English skills — and yes, host families do pay attention to how well you write in English — but you get to tell your host family about yourself, with extra details you couldn’t fit in in other places. Most students talk about the American Dream here, and High School Spirit. This is fine, but it is also boring — don’t focus your entire letter on it.

Remember that your essay is your personal letter to your host family -- just like one you'd send them in the mail!

Your host family letter is where you make yourself stand out, and really display your special personality. Good things to write about:

• any special career aspirations (doctor, scientist, author, translator, pilot, police officer, teacher etc.)
• special reasons to be an exchange student — parent was one, or a sibling was. If a family member has been an exchange student, say where they lived during their year.
• if you are traveling as a scholarship recipient
• special family situations & multiculturalism — a parent recently passed away, your mom is Japanese and your dad is German, you care for your elderly grandmother, etc.
• extreme faith. If you love Jesus, definitely talk about it. But only if this is HONEST and TRUE.
• special hobbies, activities & accomplishments — winning a European dance tournament, being a Scout leader, building robots, sewing all your own clothes/fashion design, running the school newspaper, being elected your class representative, etc.
• Particular books, TV shows & films that you like. You never know what a host family may connect to. You may have a shared love of Harry Potter, Twilight, Star Trek, Supernatural, Grey’s Anatomy or Will Smith movies. If it’s important to you, share it. (yes, I HAVE found students homes because they liked Twilight!) Also, if you play Dungeons & Dragons, please say so XD

You may not be able to write about anything special. In which case, you should just be genuine, honest and friendly with the things you write. Think about the  most important things in your life — for some it is family, or a relationship with a particular family member, for others it is their hobby/sport/passion, and for others it is school, a professional ambition (wanting to be a lawyer, doctor, scientist, etc.) or their friends. Talk about those things, and why you value them. Many host families will choose you because of these things — they are also close to their grandmother, they also lost a parent, they are a teacher (and you want to be one), etc.

Next, think about what you want to get out of your host family experience. Is it a second sister/mother/brother/father for life? Is it the “American experience,” and if so, what activities? Is it the high school experience? Stay positive, and mention simple things you hope to do with your “ideal” family — go camping, go to an amusement park, have an American BBQ, attend a football game, etc. It’s the little details that host families will latch onto.

Many letters ask you to say what the first thing you’ll do when you get to your host family. I think this is a very dumb question, because most students take it literally, and answer that they will go to sleep because they will be tired from the flight! Unless your answer is “to give my host family a big hug and get to know them,” I wouldn’t address that part of the question. It wastes time and space.

Honestly, just make your letter personal, and include things that you don’t talk about in other parts of your application. For some host families, the letter is the first thing they read BEFORE they see your other details. Remember that!

There’s also plenty you SHOULDN’T say. What are they?

• Don’t talk about boyfriends/girlfriends.
• Don’t talk about partying/going to discos/clubs – even if it is something you do at home.
• Don’t focus too much on looking forward to high school, friends & sports — at least one paragraph should be dedicated to what you’re hoping for with your host family.
• Don’t focus too much on a “passive” hobby or a “shallow” hobby — computers, listening to music, chatting on the Internet with friends, shopping, etc. But if you’re writing the Next Great Novel or making a documentary film? Those are “passive” hobbies that are special!
• Be careful about the music you mention, if any. While you are entitled to love gangster rap and heavy metal, be aware that these genres & artists are huge red flags for a lot of host families.
• Don’t talk about how important your friends are to you, and barely mention your family — your host family will think you are too independent, and are a potential party-ier.
• DO NOT mention a specific U.S. city you hope to live in (ie: New York City), or say you hope to live in Florida or California. HUGE turn off for families who live anywhere else (ie: most families).
• Don’t say you’d like to live by the beach or learn surfing. You’re basically saying you want to live in California or Florida, but indirectly. Again, this is a huge turn-off and will make you difficult to place.

What the student application DOESN’T ask that you may be wondering about: sexual orientation

Probably the only key identifier exchange student applications don’t inquire about is sexual orientation. This is because it is a very private issue, and it is not appropriate to ask this of minors. But I will be honest: when a student is gay and tells the exchange agency that, it can help to find them the right home. Very rarely does a student disclose this to the home office, and when/if they do, it is relayed to the side finding a host family. The information is kept private from your parents, so if you know you are gay and want your exchange organization to know, tell them.

The honest truth: some families in the United States are bigoted, and will not accept a gay student. There are also parts of the country that an agency will not knowingly place a gay student in, to protect them and help them have a better exchange year. If you are 100% sure of your sexual orientation and worry it may prevent you from finding the right host family, talk to your organization. The people in your destination country — usually young, liberal people who can relate to YOU more than they can to host families — will do their best to pair you with a coordinator you can talk to (one who isn’t too conservative) and a host family who cares. You may even be matched with a same-sex couple.